Friday, July 6, 2012

1950s Humor




Scenario

John goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack. 

1952: Principal comes over, looks at John's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show John. 

2012: School goes into lock down, FBI called, John hauled off to gail and never sees his truck or gun again as they've been impounded and submitted for evidence. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. John's family files for bankruptcy after families of affected victims file class action suit.


Scenario

Johnny-Boy gets into a fistfight after school. 

1955: Crowd gathers. Johnny-Boy wins. Johnny and Jack shake hands and end up buddies.

2012: Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny-Boy and Jack. Both boys are charged with assault and both are expelled from school. They are now counted among the statistics of high school dropouts. 



Scenario

Nathan won't sit still in school, disrupts other students. 

1957:  Nathan sent to office and given a good talking to by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 

2012:  Nathan sent to nurse, notice sent home for parents to begin IEP.  Following IEP, it is determined by the school psychologist, a 22-year old named Heather, that Nathan has difficulty sitting for long periods of time. He is referred to the family's pediatrician at Kaiser, where he is put on Ritalin. Nathan becomes a zombie and is then labeled ADD. Nathan has difficult adjusting to his meds and acts out; he is relabeled ADHD. Nathan's diet is overhauled, he's taken off sugar and given a diet of low carbs and vegetables. Nathan gets depressed, retreats, plays video games all day, until he finally drops out in 10th grade convinced that it's "all his fault." The following week he meets Johnny-Boy and Jack at the local skateboard park. 



Scenario

Little Billy breaks the neighbor's window while playing ball after school. His dad gives him a spanking to remember. 

1957:  Little Billy is more careful next time, grows up perfectly normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman who later coaches his son's Little League. 

2012:  Little Billy's dad is arrested. Billy is put into the foster care system and joins a gang. State psychologist convinces Billy's mom that her husband is "all washed up." Billy's dad goes to prison. Billy's mom remarries psychologist. Billy meets Johnny-Boy, Jack, and Nathan at the mall where they plan a Video Stop game heist. 

BEFORE PHOTO
Top: Nathan, Jack, Johnny-Boy, Mark, Fred
Bottom: Steve, Billy, Frankie, Bill

AFTER PHOTO
Johnny-Boy and Nathan
being "brought in" by Superman

Johnny-Boy's Gang before Superman



Georgie-Boy who didn't get sent to the slammer
Now goes by George Orwell
Big Brother is Watching You




Nah, the world's turned nothing like that... 

Elementary School Campus Police


The Future as Seen From the 1950s



"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20." 



"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?" 



"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls." 



"Also, their music drives me wild. This 'Rock Around The Clock' thing is nothing but racket." 



"Pretty soon you won't be able to buy a good 10 cent cigar." 



"It's too bad things are so rough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work outside the home just to make ends meet." 



"Anymore, no one can afford to be sick, $35 a day to spend the night in the hospital is too rich for my blood." 



"I don't know about you but if they raise the price of coffee to 15 cents, I'll just have to drink mine at home." 



"We won't be going out much anymore. Our baby sitter informed us she wants 50 cents an hour. Kids think that money grows on trees."



"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so that they can both work." 



"Next thing you know, the government will start paying us not to grow crops." 



"I'm just afraid that the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business." 



"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Congress." 


Franklin Roosevelt signing a law that restricted commercial banks' ability to buy and sell stocks. It was called the Glass-Steagall Act, after its chief proponents, Senator Carter Glass and Congressman Henry Steagall. 

In the 1950s, Congress AGAIN put limits on commercial banks, this time from owning insurance companies. 


time travel to the
1980s

The Federal Reserve gave the largest banks permission 
to trade securities on Wall Street on a limited basis. 



time travel to the
1990's


In 1997, federal regulators allowed Bankers Trust, a commercial bank, to buy investment firm Alex Brown. 

In 1998, Citicorp merged with Travelers, an insurance and investment giant. 

Before readers start withdrawing their money from their banks and begin hiding it under their mattress, let's return to a little 1950s nostalgia...

























Dedicated to my Mom who grew up in the 50s & 60s...









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