Sunday, July 31, 2011

How to Peddle Snake Oil

Come one, come all...

Have you discovered the beauty of the natural universe? And in doing so enlightened your mind to accept a creator? An omnipresent creator must exist because nature is beautiful. 

Have you discovered how to align your chakras? Do people feel good around you because your vibrational frequencies are aligned? 

Have you found peace through meditation? Is your meditation breathing method unique? 

Are your listeners' knowledge of your methods limited? 

Will others benefit from your inquiries? 

Is it possible to shift the burden of proof toward the tautological? 

Can you serve as an authority figure? 

Do your healing methods work? 

Would delivering your message to others aide them in their enlightenment? 

If you've answered "YES" to any of these questions, you're in luck! 

In fact, it's more than luck, the stars are aligned. 

Your frequencies are aligned. 

You are the embodiment of enlightenment the universe has chosen to help enlighten others. 

Join the spiritual lecture circuit, today...

You have reached enlightenment 
and it's time you share that gift with others. 
It's time you give back to the universe by helping others. 
It's time you embark upon your unique path and lead other questers. 
It's time you put your intuitive knowledge to work!

Our high-energie narcissological angel touch healing courses are now available online. 

Our masters wish to nurture your unique gifts and can explain the nature of the soul, God, time, the mysteries of the universe, and karma, while helping you incorporate the path toward an enlightened lifestyle.

Our gifted psychics teach a form of meditative hypnohealing that relaxes the mind and nurtures an accepting mindset that frees the mind from the western methods of inquiry or fact based methodologies. 

Modern physics has rediscovered what ancient Indian mystics always knew - everything is just vibrations 
and those vibrations amount to "nothingness" 

Our leaders know that in order to share your wisdom, you must embark upon your journey immediately. Within 6 weeks of starting our program, you'll be ready to share your "personal power" with your followers, you'll learn how and where to "book" your engagements in Norway, the administrative home of the Nobel Peace Prize, where openness, tolerance and democracy are prized values. 

Our resource book and workshop manual are "gifts" from our masters to you to aide you in your journey of unleashing your inner wisdom and growing it into a tree of strength that will provide fruit for you and your followers. 

There is no need to have a background in modern physics. 
No need to dedicate countless years of study in quantum mechanics. 
Our Indian mystics are enlightened. 
They have clarity. 

We have the keys to unlocking mathematical phenomenology and offer them freely to you.

When it becomes obvious that emptiness IS form and that appearance IS the world, you too will have reached the state of enlightened understanding. 

Enlightenment is not the absence of pain. 
If you stub your toe, it will still hurt. 
But only if you allow yourself to experience this pain. 
It is your choice. 

Depending on your unique gifts... 
...supernatural abilities
...power of the mind

Our unique four-step path to enlightened sharing will help you:

Explain why modern society is not personally fulfilling...

Support our claims through non-traditional science... 

Share secret knowledge, which is of great personal benefit...

Provide your followers with thousands of testimonials from other spiritualists...

Demonstrate the efficacy of our program via neurological imaging studies we have performed that prove our method works! 

We have an image of enlightenment
and we want to share it with you...

Inquire within 
Our operators are here for you
They are ready to answer your questions
Are you prepared to answer your own calling? 

If you're tired of pain
If you're on the path toward enlightenment
If you want to know what's holding you back

Call today
and sign up for our Credentialed Spiritualist's Leaders Peddling Course
Before you know it
You'll be awakening your own followers...

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Dog Yoga

Downward-Facing Dog Pose

Twinkle Toes

Harlequin Pose

Handstand (Downward-Facing Tree)

Dudley Stretch

My bite is louder than my crow

No, I am not related to the Taco Bell dog...

Men in Black Pose

Head Stand for biscuits 

Salutation Hand Posture

Master Pup


Bow Wow

Half-Cutsie Twist


Puppy Pokey

Stretch for Chew Toys

Will dance for bones

Rub my belly pose

Hurry, take a picture before I fall!


A Funny Photon

Photons have no mass, no charge, and travel at 186,000 miles per second. As we approach the speed of light, time slows down. Photons go so fast that time has literally stopped for them. 

In humor writing, you have to slow down enough to examine the light of a situation in order to deliver it with lightening fast accuracy culminating in the punchline of a joke. 

Imagine that a photon leaves the surface of a star and travels through space for 12 billion years. Then one night, you look up toward the stars and see it flickering in the night sky, staring in its own Photon Comedy Show. 

"The moment my image traveled through space and struck your retina, was the same moment... or was it?" 

"I once broke up with this really hot neutrino, afterwards, we went to decoupling therapy" 

"This neutrino walks into a bar 
and the bartender says, 'We don't serve neutrino's here'
Don't worry, I was just passing through"

"This infrared proton walks into a bar
and says, 'Is it hot in here or is it just me?'" 

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar
...and doesn't" 

"A room temperature super conductor walks into a bar
...and leave without putting up any resistance"

"My girlfriend said I needed to lose mass,
so I signed up for a spin class" 

"I got into quantum computing recently
but it was an entangled mess
everyone I met was so immature" 

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Laughter Quotes

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods." 
Albert Einstein

"Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs;
he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter." 
Fredrich Nietzsche

"The human race has only one really effective weapon, 
and that is laughter." 
Mark Twain