Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Random Internet Fodder



Some people believe that Random Internet Fodder (RIF) is nonsense, but it's not; RIF is an entirely sensical in a highly complex and entertaining kind of way method for analyzing the constant cerebral uproar heard throughout the world's most agreeable archipelagos. With origins in the Fortunate Islands, RIF is colorless in nature, and ruled by the dignified Queen of of Empty Hats, who constantly mumbles under her breath: "There is a bubble floating here, a lone sphere of mystical liquid hugging air particles." 

According to Carl Sandburg, Rootabaga Stories (New York, 1922): 

No one knows what she means by these enigmatic phrases. 


Random Internet Fodder is used for: 
  • Making rash judgments 
  • Dissecting rash judgments and biases
  • Wondering what's for lunch
  • Reminding oneself that there's left-over Chinese food in the refrigerator 
  • Negotiating with a universal "get things done efficiently" clock: "I'll be extra productive as soon as I write this article." 
  • On occasion, but not today, wondering why she writes random articles 
  • Returning to Alphonse Brown's, Une ville de verre, to Elisee Reclus Island, discovered simultaneously by a French and American expedition, who each claimed it for their own country. 
  • Climbing up to Schrader Volcano, the highest peak on the Elisee Reclus Island. 
  • Using minerals and volcanic heat to blow glass in the fabrication of glass domes on lava columns, called Cristallopolis. 
  • Producing lightening from hot springs and steam-powered dynamos. 
  • Founding expeditions to visit Maurelville, the city of igloos. 
  • Trekking down the mountains behind Maurel City to the subterranean town, called New Maurel City, to try try and strike GOLD! 
  • Inventing telephone systems from recovered ocean wreckage, connected with aluminum found in the clay of the geysers and supported by pillars of lava, in the event the world finds useful a communications network made entirely from random parts. 


Random Internet Fodder is a word that comes from Tanzania, see young boy (above_ transporting cut green fodder being transported to cattle in Tanzania.

In imaginary regions, Random Internet Fodder is called by different names:
  • Waste-of-time
  • Travessa Time
  • Daupine Delight 

Even though Random Internet Fodder is found outside imaginary regions, in other places of the world RIF is a revered part of the culture, making up the landscape of intriguing societal discourse, such as that found lurking around after-dinner parties. 

For Imaginary cultures, Random Internet Fodder was a divine creation that represented Chanel, a goddess with 400 pairs of designer shoes to match her 400 designer bags. Random Internet Fodder crossed wits with A Random Homme, who represented certain traits that helped in the fermentation of random scientific ideas, causing RIF to acquire magical powers. The people of those times considered Random Internet Fodder a very important thought consideration and smile of mind of Imaginary peoples. 



According to the RIF codex, the native tribes found different uses for Random Internet Fodder and its sub-products: 

  • food for the imagination 
  • sugar for warm beverages
  • threads of reasons connecting random ideas at loin distances 
  • needles in haystacks
  • comfortable shoes
  • views from roof tops made from the leaves of the blue agave plant
  • weapons to combat cynicism and indifference 
  • virtual paper 

The Imaginary peoples learned to manifest Random Internet Fodder and then cook it and turn it into alcohol, honey, and vinegar. The margins on these product sales are considered healthy. 


When the conquerers came to the State of El Hadd, riding white horses, saddled and harnessed in the Persian manner, dressed in tightly braided leather straps which look like armour from a distance; their only weapons long lances and the knives they wore at their belts; their only real protection their characteristic helmet made of a light shimmering metal, covered in light cloth; legends claim they looked like heavenly hosts mentioned in so many sacred books. That impression is heightened by the imagination inherent in Random Internet Fodder and by the instruments used in their fanfares - trumpets and trombones of ancient design. 

Random Internet Fodder beautifies the Imaginary landscape with its pointed questions and nonsensical cerebral labyrinths, that somehow land in the familiar territory of Told You So. In some places in Imaginary realms different Random Internet Fodder is produced; this RIF receives the generic name of "other stuff", and is given the last name of the region where it was produced "stuff from Elfwick" (the ELfin kingdom ruled by Queen Gruach in eastern Caithness, Scotland. Elfwick is famous for its library rich in the classics which includes a cabined of books classified as "curious"). 


Only one region, an archipelago consisting of hundreds of islands, some uninhabited and others important trading and agricultural communities, has the best conditions for producing Random Internet Fodder - that's the famous RIF region fondly called Earthsea. 

Earthsea is roughly circular and has a dimeter of some twenty thousand miles. At the heart of the archipelago lies the group known as the Inner Isles, which cluster around the Inmost Sea. To the north of this sea lies HAVNOR, the seat of the King of all the Imaginary Isles of RIF; to the south lies WATHORT, an important post for the trade with the southern islands. ROKE is in the heart of the Inmost Sea and is the centre for the teaching of the magic which is so vitally important to the life of Earthsea, the wellspring of RIF. 



The South Reach of Random Internet Fodder is perhaps the strangest in the entire archipelago. Here the fish are said to fly and the dolphins are reputed to sing. This may simply be more internet fodder; as the popular saying has it, "To hear fodder is to hear randomness."


The South Reach is traditionally a rebellious area, with an unsavoury reputation for piracy. 

Another Random Internet Fodder custom which is observed everywhere is the ceremony of naming a child, closely connected with magic. In infancy a child is named by its mother, and this name is used until he or she reaches the age in which they wish to change it. The child then undergoes the rites of random passage, wading through a variety of cultures, ranging from the simplicity of mountain people to the sophistication of city dwellers. Dress tends to vary considerably. 



Magic permeates every aspect of Random Internet Fodder. Virtually every imaginary village has its witch, who can cast love spells or speak charms to repair broken utensils and tools or cure the most common diseases, and ships frequently carry weatherworkers who have the power to control the winds and the waves. 

True magic, however, is taught only at the Great School of Internet Fodder, where the mages and wizards are trained. Those taught the secrets of fodder often spend their careers as sorcerers and advisers to the great princes and lords of the islands. 

At the Great School, magic is not merely a matter of creating fodder but of studying and mastering the world itself; ultimately it becomes a philosophy and a form of practical, humorous wisdom. 


The first recorded queen of Random Internet Fodder was Soph, who is said to enjoy spreading happiness like jam, a little at a time and preferably without spilling. Not only is Soph the best known Random Internet Fodder Queen, who is not only a sparkly sorceress and little animal master, one whom Micro Yorkies deigned to speak, but it was she who defeated the Firelord who sought to banish darkness and stop the sun at noon; the flowers with which she defeated the Firelord are currently flourishing in her garden. 


The Firelord was also responsible for much of the conflict between Earthsea and what is now the Imaginary Empire. He is said to have challenged the power of the Great Intellect's high priest and to have been defeated by him. His wizard's staff was broken and his power taken from him; more important, his amulet was broken in two. The ring was of silver and was inscribed on the outside with nine runes of power and on the inside with a wave design, and while it remained broken RIF could not be governed by a single Queen. 



After the fall of the centralized monarchy, Random Internet Fodder was passed on to the provincial lords and by whoever could hold power on his or her own island. The archipelago, as a whole, was eclipsed by the rise of the Republican Empire, which became a major threat to the rights of man on the eastern isles. 

The recent story of Random Internet Fodder is dominated by one intellect, Soph, probably because she's got nothing better to do but entertain herself and a handful of other Self-Proclaimed Eccentrics - certainly, she is the only one to have defeated the Firelord, which makes her a threat to cynicism and indifference. 

Soph is revealed for her magical abilities; and was trained by the famous Dr. Robert Graham, the founder of the repository for germinal choice, who considered her brain "first class" -that was before she went down the rabbit hole Dr. Graham designed. 


The remaking of the Firelord's ring did not mean that peace had been restored to Earthsea. On the contrary, news constantly came to RIF of the decline of many important towns and islands. Magic was being abandoned; wizards were said to have given up their power to a greater force; in oil and gas companies that had led the population to a state of near-anarchy; critical environments had fallen into decline because of the absence of magic.

It became clear that some foreign power was at work and rumours spread of someone who could offer eternal entertainment to those who gave up their names and followed. Soph set out in search of the source of this entertainment, accompanied by Little Miss Fia, a direct descendent of Thisbe, le chien de la Reine.


With the help of the dragons of the west the foreign power was traced to its source, where Soph and Fia finally overcame the greatest threat that Earthsea had ever known -the force of the Unmaking. 

Soph became Queen of all the Imaginary Isles and ruled a reunited Earthsea. According to the Deed of Soph, the great mage attended Soph's coronation and then left in his legendary boat, Look-far

A Random Witness said simply, 


"She rules a greater imaginary kingdom than do I." 






























































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