Friday, October 5, 2012

Funny Linguistic Humor


How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! 
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. 

I used to be a banker for UBS, but then I lost interest.
 
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes. 

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
 
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
 
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
 
French jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.
 
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
There was a time in the late 19th century when it was seen that Thomas Edison could do just about anything--so much so that the Brits in The London Punch gave him tongue-in-cheek credit for inventing (flying, so to speak), anti-gravity underwear.  
 
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.


Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection; urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I took a job at a French bakery because I kneaded dough. 

Velcro - what a rip off!



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