Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Time: Be My Funny Valentine

Dear Time

Please be my Valentine! You are the punchline to my joke; you are very funny when I take the time to watch you; you are what prevents everything from happening at once. I never had time for you - but that changes today! 

It is 3 o'clock in the morning, too late to do too much, too early to do anything else. The time I enjoy wasting is not wasted time. It always takes longer than expected, even when I have to do things over again. 

I once had two watches, but I never was quite certain of the time. Then, I had one watch, and knew that I had the right time, but the days of my digital watch were numbered. 

Today, I don't wear a watch - and I always know the time! 

Yes, you have a love of flying. But where does it leave you? Old too soon... smart too late? 

You said I was ahead of my time, which I think is just a polite way of saying that I have a real bad sense of timing. Perhaps you're right! Perhaps time is more fun when you're having flies. 

Today is Sunday's day after tomorrow, the third day of the rest of our lives, celebrated on this first day of Valentine, that is if you'll be mine? 

You are the only critic I know without ambition, but that's okay, I love you just the same. All my friends tell me you're nothing but an illusion, but I know they are wrong. 

With you, I don't even mind inflation, as the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year. 

I know I've got to work out to impress you. I keep saying it all the time. It's been two months since I've worked out. But I just don't have the time. I have time to go out to dinner. And uh...watch TV. And get a bone density test. And uh...try to figure out what my phone number spells in words. 

All I know is you will explain it all someday... until then, please be my Valentine!

Be Back in 5 Minutes,


With a little help from my friends: 

John Archibald Wheeler 
Jean-Paul Sartre 
Segal's Law
Bertrand Russell
Mike Tyson
George McGovern
Jim Henson
George Carlin
John Steinbeck
Douglas Adams
Woody Allen
Tom Stoppard
Kermit The Frog
Victor Borge
Ellen DeGeneres

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