Monday, February 13, 2012

Think Tank Riddles


COME ALL YE GENIUSES
LET US RULE THE WORLD

Is your IQ higher than all of your friends' IQ's combined?  Are you bored out of your mind dealing with the business of ordinary living?  Have you unlocked the codes to emotional intelligence?  Can you easily pattern out behavior to anticipate of the actions that others will take?  How would you like to join a group of people who rule the freakin' world? 


If you can easily solve the following riddle, 
working for a Think Tank might be for you.



RIDDLE

Once upon a time BPC (before personal computers), there lived a little girl who went with her great-grandmother to church. One morning, the little girl was utterly terrified by a bible school story whereby a daddy was going to *snuff out his son, then just at the moment when you close your eyes and screech, this really powerful grown-up named God said, "STOP! Take the sheep instead." 


The little girl relieved for the little boy in the story took a deep breath and sighed. "Whew, that was close."  Class continued. After a few minutes the little girl raised her hand and asked, "Mrs. Johnson?"  "Yes, dear?" replied Mrs. Johnson. "Mrs. Johnson, what did the sheep do?" 



10 years later... During the pastor's sermon, the little girl, now a teenager, looked up in astonishment when she heard the word "sheep".  "I remember this story," she thought to herself. Eagerly attentive, she listened as the pastor recounted how Abraham was ordered to sacrifice his son and how he was willing to do so. She cringed. Frozen, she sat and listened to the entire sermon about faith being tested. Then as if angels from above flew down and hovered over her in sheer delight and wonderment, the teenage girl shouted out in glorious elation, "I get it! I get it! It's not the sheep, it's substitutional atonement!" 



QUESTIONS

  1. Were you expecting to read something entirely different than the story you read above? 
  2. Are you wondering what this story has to do with think tanks? 
  3. Do you feel sorry for the sheep? 
  4. Do you think Abraham was in need of therapy? 
  5. Have you researched the subject and are now thinking that the sacrificed could have been Ishmael instead of Isaac according to verses 37:112, 51:28, and 21:85 in the Qur'ân since the name "Ishmael" is associated with patience and steadfastness? 
  6. Are you wondering which think tank to associate this story to according to past newspaper citation rates of various liberal partisan views? 
  7. Given that there is a natural bent toward liberalism that could be used to describe this young girl's thoughts and actions, and given that are twice as many conservative think tanks as there are liberal ones, are you now thinking that this type of story, could easily be traced a only a few think tanks around? If indeed this post is influenced by one of the said think tanks, then the real question is: "Did you come to the same conclusion as did the young girl - substitutional atonement." 
  8. If yes, proceed to the APPLY button and act accordingly. If no, this post has been an example of the relief theory of humor as you were most likely "scarified" but equally relieved that it was the sheep being sacrificed and not the son... and most importantly, that Abraham was not your dad.  




*This post does not reflect the religious, spiritual, or otherwise views of the author. This is a humorous post held within a humor blog written by a humor analyst. 


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