Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Clean Jokes

Three boys were walking home from Sunday school after a very impassioned sermon on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"  

The other boy replied. "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just Dad." 

Attending her very first wedding, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." 

The little girl thought about this for a moment and then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?" 

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could to Sunday school. As she ran, she prayed, "Dear God!  Please don't let me be late to Sunday school, again!" 

No sooner did she pray did she trip on a curb and fall. As she stood up, brushed herself off, and picked up her bible, she prayed once more: "Hi God, me again. Thanks for the help, next time, please don't push!" 

One morning out on the playground some boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." 

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." 

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money." 

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." 

A police recruit was asked during an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"  He answered, "Call for backup."  

A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem... a small child replied, "Probably because they couldn't get a babysitter." 

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