Monday, January 30, 2012

Nocte Insomnius


Dear 3 am, 

We have to stop meeting this way. I realize you are often times troubled in the night, but keeping me awake will not solve your problems. 


Seriously now, this is all about mind over mattress. 



If I wanted to become an insomniac I would pick up the hobby of worrying or ask to be adopted by a family of worriers.  


Or, as a Vegan, I count count count jumping tofu. 



In fact, I could take it a step further and cultivate my neuroses. As a dedicated insomniac, I could work on this throughout the day by reading my local crime statistics, picking up my favorite medical journal, or download Stephen King movies onto my laptop. 


Better yet, I could eat late at night, drink vast quantities of fluid shortly before retiring, and get plenty of aerobic exercise right before bed. 


If I wanted to, I could really shake things up by going to bed at a different time every night, swap my soothing sound machine for a snoring machine, and turn up the volume on my cell phone in case someone pocket dials me at 3 am. 


Like I said, we have to stop meeting like this. 
I've got to get some sleep now...
Good night


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