Saturday, August 18, 2012

102 Ways To Be Annoying

1.    Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2.    In the memo field of all your checks, write "for blackmailing."
3.    Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4.    Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
5.    Put glasses on your dog when you take him for a walk.
6.    Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7.    Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8.    Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9.    When baking a cake, lick the spoon so that you get the leftover frosting bowl to yourself.
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inchpaper, 99 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information on the chemistry of frosting in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid looking like they have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. 
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Don't forget to have a matching T-shirt made up.
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Hold up HUGE signs at games so that nobody behind you can see.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of posting pictures for this post, just write the words.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy asassination/ UFO/O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander aimlessly around town wearing a Ronald McDonald suit.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Insist that your Smurf CB Radio is really a telephone to the future. 
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.  When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Order complicated coffee after lunch with your friends.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent.  
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such the ability to levitate with your chair.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book.  Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook.  Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100.               Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101.               Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
102.               Read this entire list to someone.
Disclaimer: 
"Annoying people" is a common Internet joke. The author of this blog does not endorse annoying people nor does she purposely try to annoy people. What the author does think is funny is reading and sharing the list with others to demonstrate the ridiculousness of said activity. 
()♫♪
While the above list might annoy some people, none of these things annoy the author of this blog. 
What does annoy the author of this blog is when the BLOGGER faulty programming takes out all the spacing I include in my posts and crams it all together when I post it, causing me to have to insert blank pictures to give the semblance of proper spacing. 
Now, that's annoying! 
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