Thursday, June 28, 2012

Domestically Challenged


Okay, confession time: I'm not just domestically challenged, I abhor domestic housework. Never in my life did I imagine myself Windexing and wiping away God-knows-what-was-stuck on the INSIDE of the cabinets in what is supposed to be our delightful little 14th century historic Parisian abode. 



Nor did I realize, by the way, that electric stoves were still in fashion. How in the world does one work one of these God-forsaken contraptions!  

I know what you're thinking... what a princess, right? 


Yes, you would be right. 


So, for all my fellow princesses out there - you know who you are - here's a few thoughts about being domestically challenged! 


Unable to do housework

Abhors housework

Dislikes housework

Wondering exactly what it is that constitutes housework? 

Does Windex work on everything? 

Can you put Windex on carpets?

Windex should come with a 
WARNING LABEL: Stains Carpets! 

Where do they sell those floors that clean themselves? 

How do you interview a housekeeper when you're not sure what needs to be done? 

Is cooking housework? 

Do houses come with a manual? 

Speaking of which, does anyone have Emanuel's phone number?

How come suds came out of the washing machine?

I tried to defrost the freezer and the frig stopped working. 
What should I do? 

How do you clean a couch? With a vacuum? 

Can you make toast in an oven? 

Speaking of which, how do you turn it on?

Isn't 350 a lot of minutes to bake brownies? 

Is there a How to Clean Your House for Princesses Manual? 

If yes, please don't send it to me, I don't want to know.

Speaking of Emanuel again, I could really use his phone number. 

Is ironing and pressing the same thing? 

Does anyone know how to set-up a cable box that they send in the mail? 

Do they sell windshield wipers for outside house windows? 

We weren't allowed in the kitchen growing up. 
Now I know why. 

Do you realize that cleaning house could literally take all day???

And then the next day, it's dusty again! 

Where do they sell Dustifiers that capture all the dust like humidifiers capture humidity? 

The people at BHV didn't know what I was talking about. 

I never could understand why they sold plastic gloves with flowers on them. 
Now I know. 

Cleaning is the fastest way to ruin a beautiful manicure. 

To women everywhere who actually do this every day, my deepest, heartfelt sympathies. 

I never want to clean again! 

DOMESTICALLY CHALLENGED 
POEM
To my chagrin
I had to clean

I never knew
Houses spew

But now that I know
What a toil it is to tow

I will never again
Complain

About the things that don't get done
Because cleaning is just no fun











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