Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Redneck Haiku

One of my blog readers sent in these haikus, which I thought I'd share. Without further ado, Redneck Haiku...


Bubba got divorced,
but children from the marriage
are still his nephews. 

Rooster crows before
Mom's morning coffee and now
simmers on the stove. 

Yosemite trip: 
Shoot, cook, and eat local deer. 
Thousand dollar fine. 

Time for me n Junior, 
Away from mama's nagging,
Priceless, yep, that's it. 

Jake's chicken gumbo
looks like muddy swamp water, 
was judged best in state. 

Grandpa's "attorney," 
the only one he trusts, is
two-barreled shotgun. 

Flo sets fashion at 
trailer park with bouffant hair
and acrylic nails. 

Clyde nears his deadline 
on community service 
before next court date.

Ice cold beer goes great
with illegally caught trout
fried with hushpuppies. 

How to celebrate 
twenty-five years of marriage? 
New hunting rifle.

Youngest hunting dog
learns the hard way how to tell
a skunk from a cat. 

Well-dressed trailer trash
will have muumuus and flip-flops
in matching colors. 

Thanksgiving turkey 
was deep-fried in peanut oil
"As seen on TV." 

Got dressed up today
for the "As seen on TV"
Late Night Marathon. 

Wanda's third wedding
started an hour late to let
best man make beer run. 

All Bubba's brothers
chipped in for wide screen TV
for NASCAR season. 

Plate filled to the max
at all-you-can-eat buffet.
Jake grins. "Life is good." 

Broken toys in yard. 
Traveling Bible salesman
knows he'll get this sale. 

Grandpa made to sleep 
on porch after going back
for seconds on beans. 

Pam in county jail
for assaulting coach at son's 
Little League ball game. 

Big Vegas hotel. 
Bell captain sneers at luggage:
plastic Wal-Mart bags. 

Bubba's bowling team
holds record for beer consumed 
and gutter balls thrown. 

Clyde's retirement plan: 
twenty-five dollars worth of
lottery tickets. 

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