Friday, November 9, 2012

The Transhumorist Position

Transhumorism is by no means a bona fide ideology, but it does have a fancy declaration decorated in glitter glue. The Cosmic Transhumorist Association is an "out of this world" philanthropic organization that was founded today by philosopher Sophy Laughing. The main tenants of transhumorism will now - I mean, seriously, at this very moment - be laid out in the Transhumorist Declaration and will appear below the moment I click return and begin typing.

  1. Humor will be radically changed by technology in the future. I foresee the feasibility of being delighted by the human condition, including such parameters as the things we consider to be a total bummer: inevitability of aging, limitations on human and artificial intellects, psychological dispositions, suffering, and our confinement to the planet earth. 
  2. Nonsystematic research should be put into understanding these coming developments and their long-term consequences as they pertain to humor and being. 
  3. Transhumorists think that by being generally open and embracing of new technology we have a better chance of turning it into something outrageously cool. 
  4. Transhumorists advocate the moral right for those who so wish to use technology to extend their mental and physical (including reproductive) capacities and to improve their control over their own lives, including but not limited to their good sense of humor. 
  5. In planning for future thoughts on the subject, which may or may not turn into posts, jokes, quips, comics or the like, it is prudent to take into account the prospect of dramatic progress in technological capabilities. It would be tragically funny if the potential benefits failed to materialize because of technophobia and unnecessary prohibitions. On the other hand, I have fingers. I also have a perspective that thinks it would be even more tragically funny if intelligent life went extinct because of some screw-up involving advanced technologies. I mean, imagine being the guy who pushes the red button and only this time, the atmosphere collapses. That would suck. 
  6. We need to create forums (and by we, I mean someone else who is technologically proficient and who agrees that it's a great idea) where cool people (intellectually gifted, clever, sharp, witty, intellectually open, humble minded, wise beyond their years-folk) can rationally debate what needs to be done about a whole bunch of run amuck tangents, whilst simultaneously and might I add, brilliantly, conceiving of (and getting funding for) a Neotopia where responsible decision making can be implemented, followed through on, analyzed and experimented with by anyone in the cosmos wishing to explore the concept and contribute to our understanding of said concept. 
  7. Transhumorism advocates the well-being of all sentience (whether in artificial intellects, humans, post humans, or non-human animals) and admits to preferring jokes about modern humanism. Transhumorism does not support any particular party, politician or political platform unless that particular party, politician or political platform was electing me World Humor Ambassador (WHA?), in which case, I'd like to take this time to now thank you for your vote of confidence. Your votes, laughs, and donations are greatly appreciated. There's nothing in it for you, of course, other than the satisfied, delighted, tickled pink feelings you will no doubt experience the moment you acknowledge within yourself good will toward human or otherwise-kind. If the experience of self-acceptance is not enough for you, we'll be serving cupcakes at my victory party. You're more than welcome to eat as many as you like! 

This document could be followed by a much longer and extremely informative The Transhumorists Frequently Asked Questions, but I have yet to write it and wouldn't want (and by want I mean you have consciously considered the matter and are delighted to tantalize your senses whilst simultaneously looking forward to that warm, soothing experience) to make this post any longer than I already have because studies say it takes us 25% longer to read online versus in a traditional book. If you've read this far, you're exhausted, need another cup of coffee or tea, and are thinking to which wickedly smart friends you'd like to forward this post.

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