"The faster my mind journeys through abstract thought, the slower its "mathematical clock" ticks, as seen by the observer."
iSoph
I refuse to
accept the notion that the actions of all humans are inherently hevel, a word meaning “vain”, “futile”,
“empty”, “meaningless”, “temporary”, “transitory”, “fleeting”, or “mere breath”
just because the lives of the wise and foolish both end in death. I refuse to
believe that we are nothing other than copies without an original, and I
absolutely refuse to take home plastic bags from the supermarket when I can
bring my own bags or opt for a paper one, thereby saving the environment from
the ravages that arise from overflowing landfills.
I have spent
much of my life refusing thoughts, refusing unwanted advances made by would-be
suitors, and refusing dessert, despite my wanting to order it. All this
rejection leads me to the territory of my mind as well as the state of known as singledom whereby one has
more time on their hands to think than one might ordinarily have if one were in
a state of perpetual bliss with a rich, handsome, energetic partner who laughs
at one’s jokes, helps to expand one’s thinking into new territories, and who
keeps his passport on his person just in case the opportunity to hop a flight
to Majorca arises.
Thinking could
be described as a state characterized by a lack of physical activity, one that
can cause premature death, a higher risk of chronic diseases, and love handles
if not properly compensated for with rigorous, strenuous physical activity. Irrespective
of the inherent dangers associated with thinking, I risk these adverse health
effects, the torture of existential angst, and not fitting into my favorite little black dress just so I can indulge
my thoughts (and you, dear reader) ~ despite not fully understanding from
whence they ~ or I ~ or you ~ originate.
When I look at
the photographs that have been taken of me and the fact that I save them or
post them on Facebook for my friends and family to critique or enjoy or
otherwise associate a physical image with the mental expression of self I publicly
share, I sometimes find myself wondering if these photos are just a metaphysical
beauty testifying to a genetic pride one rarely has control over ~ other than
the ongoing maintenance associated with the real loss of youth and beauty
through aging. In this sense, photographs are copies of an original that does
not exist. Something Jean Baudrillard might have called a “beautiful allegory
of simulation”. And yes, in case you’re wondering, I have indeed been watching
and thinking about the Matrix again.
But I have also
been thinking about the problems with just about everything. While philosophers
and physicists are busying themselves thinking up Theories of Everything, I am busying myself thinking about The Trouble with Everything. Due to some
twisted compulsion I have with writing down my thoughts for an audience that
does not exist, I find myself here, in my library, feverishly typing away on my
MacBook Pro, smoking sage from a pipe, and drawing upon literature and
philosophical theories and Uncle John’s
Bathroom Readers for concepts that might cure what could be described as an
existential longing for self-expression despite the futility associated with
being original.
I could write
about anything from the future decline of symmetry (long since associated with
so-called mathematical constants) to the seven greatest underwater places to see
before one dies. I could instead draw a Stick Figure and post it on Facebook,
Fine Art America, any one of my blogs, or on Deviant Art to cure my compulsion
to draw. I could write about the problems of the world or the problems
associated with bread size management in the face of toaster resistance. All
these thoughts are abstractions that only exist during those moments when I
conceive of them and or share them with my small nonexistent audience.
This all
reminds me of cake and the fact that I have a piece of children’s birthday cake
in the refrigerator available to me should I choose to indulge my passion for
sweets rather than my desire to maintain a slim, fit figure. Cake has been an
integral component of my life since early childhood. I do not recall the first
time I had cake, but I know I was very young. I have a photograph of a toddler
seated in front of a birthday cake with one candle adorning the top while relatives
surround me wearing birthday hats in an image that reminds me of Jesus’
ascension into Heaven. Only in this scene Acts 1:11 reads: “This same cake, that has been given to you from heaven, will come
back in the same way it did last time.”
Do not ask me to explain that quote
because I refuse to do so. What I will do is tell you that cake is an integral
component of my life and something I very much enjoy eating and thinking about.
I began rejecting
concepts early in life. The first conscious rejection I made was during
infancy. There I was happily playing in the sink with what can only be
described as God’s play toys, affectionately known by their common name: “bubbles,”
when suddenly my grandmother decided that bath time was over. She picked up,
the bubbles slid down my wet, infant body, and I was placed onto a thin, yellow
towel. It was remarkably thin for its intended use, which even then I presumed
was to envelope me in the warmth of love and thick cotton. But no… the blanket was too thin. As I sat
there rejecting my grandmother’s carelessness and abrasive fabric, I scanned my
surroundings. I was in what looked like a cooks’ kitchen. I noticed that the
cabinet door to the pantry was open on the right side. This bothered me. I rejected
the idea of objects not being symmetrical. I thought the refrigerator was too
small against the backdrop of the wall, which could clearly accommodate a much
larger appliance.
This pattern of
rejection continued with a rejection of my little yellow blankie, though that particular blankie
was not actually a rejection, it was my mother giving it to the new baby ~ perhaps
in a foreshadowing of events to come. Nevertheless, this occurrence did result
in a rejection: a rejection of things that made me unhappy.
The next
rejection I recall was similar to the first. When one day, out of nowhere, for
no apparent reason, my mother decided it was time to get rid of my favorite sippy cup. She recklessly threw it into
the trash bin where shortly thereafter, as if out of nowhere, arrived a large
truck carrying two men who absconded with my sippy cup. This rejection was a rejection of mindless action, in this case, the recognition that one can overlook the importance of attachment.
Clearly my mother should have first consulted with her three year old before making such a momentous decision. This incident resulted in a rejection of not considering others in our thoughts and actions irrespective of whether or not it is customary to drink out of big girl glasses.
Clearly my mother should have first consulted with her three year old before making such a momentous decision. This incident resulted in a rejection of not considering others in our thoughts and actions irrespective of whether or not it is customary to drink out of big girl glasses.
The rejections
continued throughout my childhood. They included a rejection of violence, of
shag carpet, of pastels and neon and mixing plaid with stripes. At this very
moment, I am rejecting the idea of writing out all these rejections into
entertaining sentences correctly punctuated. Thus, here is a list of 99 random
things I rejected during childhood:
1.
Easy bake ovens that take forever to cook
2.
Enemas just because one has contracted a case of
pneumonia
3.
Not being allowed to stay up late to watch Star Trek
4.
Adults who do not explain why they’re laughing
5.
Adults who call your bluff when you insist that you
washed your hands before dinner
6.
Cousins who pour soy sauce into your food
7.
Death and Homework
8.
Food that spills on white clothing
9.
Toys that break
10. Funny
smells
11. Loud
noises
12. Not
getting something EXCITING in the mail
13. Not
knowing what’s “out there”
14. Having
to rush to get to school on time
15. Nightmares
about being late to school
16. Teachers
who don’t listen
17. Schoolmates
who don’t think
18. The
social responsibilities associated with being Team Captain
19. Getting
hit in Dodge Ball
20. People
who cheat at Four Square
21. The News and Soap Operas
22. Nuts
in candy
23. Not
knowing the answer to a Jeopardy question
24. The
amount of time it takes to learn something
25. The
ease in which we forget what we learn
26. Anything
associated with manual labor
27. Not
hitting a ball in the sweet spot of one’s tennis racket
28. Running
out of breath while running
29. Not
having someone to play tag with
30. Getting
scratched when climbing a tree
31. Falling
down
32. Getting
sunburned even after putting on suntan lotion
33. Peeling
off wet bathing suits
34. Not
being allowed to go play at a friend’s house
35. Beef
stroganoff
36. Crab
salad
37. Brussels
sprouts
38. Peas
39. Burned
toast
40. The
white part of the egg
41. Dust
42. Clutter
43. Not
being born into royalty
44. Skinning
one’s knee
45. Going
to the doctor
46. Running errands
47. Shots
48. Cough
syrup
49. Not
being able to control one’s dreams
50. Cigarette
smoke
51. Mean
people
52. Scary
images
53. Being
dragged to the grocery store against one’s will
54. Standing
in line
55. Pens
that run out of ink
56. Pencils
that get dull
57. Drawings
that get bent up
58. Little
brothers that bend drawings on purpose
59. Tattle Tells
60. Being called a "Tomboy" just because you like sports
61. Teachers
who make you read “Little Women”
62. The
song, “YMCA”
63. Sunday
school teachers who tell you stories about little lambs losing their lives
64. Not
having a transporter beam
65. Not having turbo powered sneakers
66. Having
to learn stuff you’re convinced you already learned once before
67. Commercials
in the middle of your favorite television shows
68. The
Road Runner
69. How
fast Christmas ends
70. Having
your parents put you on restriction
71. People
who do not have a sense of humor
72. People
who do not tell the truth
73. Bullies who make fun of other kids
74. Overly
serious people
75. Upsetting
others
76. Not
being able to explain how you can compute numbers with shapes
77. Dresses
78. Shoes
that give you blisters
79. Sticky
stuff
80. Mayonnaise
on sandwiches
81. Haircuts
82. Being
stuck in a human body
83. Being told you're not doing something productive when clearly you're busying wondering about important stuff
84. Getting a "B-" on a book report
85. Not having your very own roller coaster
86. Mundane
thinking
87. People
who act snotty
88. Chores
89. Waiting
for dinner to be ready
90. Not
getting Bubblegum ice cream for desert
91. Bubblegum
trees that grow in one’s stomach from having swallowed the bubble gum in one’s
ice cream
92. Running
out of Ketchup or sugar or flour or eggs when you need these things
93. Not
getting a red Ferrari with a red bow on top for your 16th birthday
94. Having
the school nark on you to your parents
95. Not
being able to draw a perfect circle
96. Not
being able to draw a perfectly straight line
97. Not
being able to shrink in size at will
98. Not
being able to make oneself invisible at will
99. Not
being able to perform real magic
1 comment:
LOVE these & I sure can associate with many of them...:)
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