Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Guru Crime Syndicate

Welcome to The Guru Crime Syndicate
Healing the universe is now an inside job! 

Would you like to join to the global awakening gig? Would you like to manifest an off-shore clearing house account filled with lavish donations from your followers? Is it your intention to spend your life drinking tea and meditating instead of punching some time clock when time doesn't exist? 

Then, meditate no longer.... 
Join The Guru Crime Syndicate today! 
...and SAVE a soul! 

Under the tutelage of our trusted group of spiritual advisors, you'll soon have new ideas on how to use your spiritual resources and creative energy to manifest absolutely nothing! 

Even though nothing IS nothing, 
we like to think of IT as a lavish garden with flowing waterfalls...

That's right, you're in for a rapid, radical change when you learn our lifetime-after-lifetime, proven techniques for helping your followers grow in the basic understanding of higher principles known to ancient mystics everywhere, or wherever they have manifested after their last known incarnation. 

Worried about followers who will want their money back? Don't fret, we believe that the ultimate key to unlocking your evolutionary potential lies inside of each of us. Simply tell your followers that financial insecurity is an illusion.

The Guru Crime Syndicate offers special conferences and events where you can master the art of mind-body lock picking, ATM-tarot-card reading, and even, the famed disappearing wallet act! Impress your fellow guru's today, just call 1-800-WooBaby! 

But don't wait! Act now, and you'll receive an eye exam from one of our expert healers! 

Finally, you'll receive our commitment to serve as a bridge and amplifier to heighten your message and inspire work that reflects a broader perspective filled with essential insight. You'll create, empower, inform, and manifest wealth. 

The Guru Crime Syndicate wants you!
*Advertisement paid for with your lavish donations to our Ashram...
**Money-back guarantee: We guarantee we will pay you back (specific lifetime not disclosed) 
***If your followers don't pay, we'll break their legs, and then send out one of our healers 
(healing fees may apply)

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