Tuesday, July 22, 2014

40 Pet Peeves


Just like everybody else, I get annoyed when my fortune cookie and horoscope give me completely opposite numbers; it makes winning the lottery all the more difficult. 

And just like everybody else, I have a few pet peeves. Here are a few random ones for you to read whilst I go pour myself another cup of coffee. 

Pet Peeves
  1. People who use the word "whilst"
  2. People who believe in astrology
  3. People who are addicted to coffee
  4. Sales clerks at the gas station who ask your birthdate when purchasing a lottery ticket
  5. Having to fill up my own gasoline tank
  6. Cars that stop running just because you accidentally put diesel fuel in the tank
  7. Being colorblind and not realizing that gasoline nozzles are color-coded
  8. Touching ATM buttons when I can see fingerprints from the person(s) who used it previously
  9. The fact that alcohol hand sanitizers burn your hands 
  10. People who tell me I should not use hand sanitizer to clean my hands
  11. Being born into an era prior to the invention of teleportation
  12. The idea that my body will be destroyed via teleportation and copied elsewhere
  13. Dating in America
  14. Bad hair days
  15. Looking like my passport photo
  16. Having to inform 4-5 people at a boutique that I'm just looking
  17. Spending ten minutes to find a sales clerk when I want to make a purchase (after having told them that I was just looking)
  18. Knowing that I had my keys like five seconds ago and now can't find them (seriously, I am still looking)
  19. Reaching my head under my desk to pick up my keys only to hit my head on the way back up
  20. Headaches
  21. Aspirin that gets soggy in your mouth when you try to swallow it
  22. Drinking orange juice after taking aspirin
  23. Brushing my teeth after drinking orange juice
  24. Eating anything after I have just brushed my teeth
  25. Having someone walk behind my car when I am trying to back out of a parking space
  26. Slowing down to let a pedestrian cross only to have some *moron behind me honk his horn
  27. Slicing my tongue when I lick an envelope
  28. The fact that I can never dislodge those last two ice cubes from the tray
  29. Having an ink pen leak out all over my clothes just because I washed it with my laundry
  30. Having to use Shazam because Radio DJs don't tell you the name of the song until twenty songs have passed (and you've already gotten out of the car)
  31. The fact that the file box screen goes blank (it flips to the 2nd page) when you add the 9th app to your iPhone file box, which means you always end up with 8 apps
  32. People who are obsessed with symmetry 
  33. Any sentence that has the word "patience" in it
  34. Waiting in line for anything
  35. Waterproof mascara ... it comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but never with make-up remover
  36. Realizing that I left my grocery list on the kitchen counter 
  37. Taking a sick day and actually waking up sick
  38. Returning packages I ordered off of Amazon.com 
  39. Enlightenment: life is nicer when you don't realize what everybody's doing wrong
  40. People who claim to be "Enlightened" and think they know everything
  41. People who can't count




*moron: the technical term for the "Large Oof" laying down on his horn whilst I was waiting for a pedestrian to cross the street (term not to be confused with any of the charming cities in Buenos Aires, Cuba, Haiti, Mongolia, Venezuela or the lake on the border between France and Switzerland). 


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