Medical Jokes

"A famous heart surgeon was waiting for his Mercedes at the shop when a loud-mouthed mechanic lured him into an argument. 

"Look at this beautiful car I'm working on. I also open hearts, take out valves, grind them, put in new parts, and when I finish, they always purr like a kitten. So, how come you get the big bucks, when you and I are basically doing the same work? 

The surgeon very calmly leaned over and whispered to the loud-mouth mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running." 

 

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."

Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."

Albert Einstein was just about finished with his work on the theory of special relativity, when he decided to take a break and go on vacation to Mexico. He headed to Acapulco. Each day, he walked around in his dark sunglasses, enjoying the white Mexican sand and fresh Pacific sea air. 

On the last day, he sat down to enjoy the sunset. When the large orange ball was just disappearing, one last beam of light seemed to radiate toward him. He thought about his physics work. "What symbol should I use for the speed of light?" he thought. "Nearly every Greek letter has been used for some other purpose. 

Just then, a beautiful Mexican woman passed by. Albert, making small talk, asked her, "Do you not zink zat zee speed of light is zery fast?"  The woman smiled and replied, "Si." 

The rest is history... (the symbol for the speed of light is "c") 

When Frank and his wife Susan hit seventy, they decided to change their lifestyle completely so that they could live longer. They went on a strict diet, took up scuba diving, and treated themselves to sunbaths. In just three months' time, Frank lost 30 lbs, reduced his waist by 6 in., and expanded his chest by 5 in.  Susan dropped 15 lbs and dropped 2 dress sizes! 


Cool, hip, and tan, they decided to book a vacation to the Caribbean. After walking out of the travel agency's office, they were struck by a bus. Lying side by side, they looked up to the heavens and cried out, "God, how could you do this to us?" 


A voice from the heavens responded, "Sorry guys, to tell you the truth, I didn't recognize you."