Funny Linguistic Humor

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! 

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. 

I used to be a banker for UBS, but then I lost interest.

 

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes. 

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

 

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

 

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

 

French jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

http://www.currywurstmuseum.de/en/

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

 

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

There was a time in the late 19th century when it was seen that Thomas Edison could do just about anything--so much so that the Brits in The London Punch gave him tongue-in-cheek credit for inventing (flying, so to speak), anti-gravity underwear.  

 

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection; urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I took a job at a French bakery because I kneaded dough. 

Velcro - what a rip off!

1 Billion Facebook Chairs

Facebook users across the globe have been raised to a surface upon which we all sit - a chair. Our "likes" are the legs that support this social networking conglomerate, our comments - permanently fixed like the seat on a train or theater. 

However, before kicking Facebook's recent chair analogy to the curb, consider first the history of the chair, an article of state and dignity rather than an article of simple ordinary use. In the House of Commons in the UK and in Canada, "the chair" is considered the emblem of authority. 

In Ancient Egypt, the chair was reserved for the master of the household, while in the Tang dynasty, a higher seat was associated with Chinese elite. 

Gilded wooden armchair found in the tomb of Hetepheres I, 

near the Great Pyramid of Kheops at Giza.

Chairs took on a distinctly modern flavor in the 1960s with the introduction of the Hardoy chair (butterfly chair), the bean bag, and the egg-shaped pod chair (think Men in Black)...

Facebook's chair analogy seems appropriate given Facebook has a billion users on the edge of their seats engaging in its social networking services... 

...While simultaneously causing a number of Facebook investors to nearly fall out of their seats as shares remain 44% below IP price, with suggestions that they could fall to $15. 

The question here is whether or not Mark Zuckerburg will remain "first chair" or whether a game of musical chairs will shuffle Facebook's leadership toward higher seats of return. If Facebook doesn't recover some of these losses soon, "the chair" is exactly what Facebook execs might get (figuratively speaking, naturally). 

Facebook, given you're on your last leg (an expression that stems from the practice of sawing the ends of chair legs off in previous centuries, which means something is decrepit and nearing the end of its serviceability), on behalf of a billion users: 

Cushion the seat before users (and investors) twitter away...

Evel Snailevel

Evel Snailevel is an American mollusk daredevil and entertainer. In this death-defying feat, he attempts to crawl over a 4-inch ramp and jump across Snake Fire Ring Canyon with his Skycycle X-2 Shell, a steam-powered helmet.

Tune in next week to see Evel Snailevel's progress...

Dr. Sticky Presents: The Adhesive Property of Thoughts

Dr. Sticky Presents

The Adhesive Property of Thoughts

If we assume that a thought is an object, we can further presume that the object has properties or certain characteristics. Imagine if you will, a brain coral. Diploria labryinthiformis is a species of brain coral, so-named because of its appearance. Inside the coral live a single-celled symbiotic algae within its cells. Let's call them particles. Corals are very sensitive to environmental changes, or fluctuations in particle distribution or location. Basically, when particles move (inside or around) the brain coral, it is affected, thus shifting its appearance from a form of calcium carbonate (CaCO₃) to calcite as its particles use up energie.

If you think about the particles that are enclosed within the cells of this brain coral, so too can you image quantum particles existing in a host environment. Whether by property or characteristic these particles are "sticky," we can assume they must stick together to create larger particle agreements, such as a conscious thought all the way to a 2-dimensional object. 

At the sub-atomic level, particles look like little round lights that vibrate within a lattice-like space. At certain, cyclical intervals they combine together and protrude outward. This appears to be the first embers of a thought. 

Lattice

Diploria laybrinthiformis

Like the Diploria labyrinthiformis, thoughts cluster together to form colonies, with their skeletons (corallums) becoming 2D objects. These 2D objects are the structures that protrude out into various forms, depending upon the position of the particle or what we would call "type of thought."

This makes one wonder whether the particles themselves have properties which allow them to "stick" or behave adhesively - forming colonies - or whether they (the properties) simply provide the energie or fuel for the existing lattice. Of course, the particles when combined with the lattice could emit a chemical or otherwise quantum-like signal in the form of a wave, which directs the flow of the particles coexistence toward the protrusions, which as mentioned above, seem for form in cyclically repeating patterns.

Golden Ratio Spiral

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Let's consider, initially, that the particles bring with them properties (more likely, the combination of the lattice and the particles have properties that when combined create what we would call thought). If the particles, presumably, arrive to the lattice fully energized or charged with energie, we will presume that energie has a further characteristic, which would account for the myriad of thoughts, objects, and phenomena in the world. The characteristic of this particle, as described, would be one that adheres or bonds items together. Again, it could be the combination of the lattice and particle together that create this characteristic. 

In human concepts, the oldest known adhesive was utilized dating back to 200,000 BC, birch-bark-tar gluing spear stone flakes to wood (Italy). Later, at Sibudu Cave, evidence of heat-treated mixed compounds used to glue objects together was found. However, we're talking subatomic or - this universe - type of thing, so we're going back to the first moment after our Big Bang. 

As these particles or thoughts left over from other lattice work collided in a great cosmic evolutionary reset button, they found their way back to each other (whilst creating new combinations) once again.  

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So, if these particles are already precoded with information as well as possessing characteristics as a direct result of that information - presuming information is absorption of energie - let's assume it's "sticky". 

Coming full circle, it makes sense in our worldview because from our perspective (being that of self-conscious joined particles in a specific location on the lattice grid), thoughts become tangible when they evolve into actions, words, objects, or concepts. It's like we're a left-over thought of ourself, which was previously thought into existence, which means we exist in all spaces just unassembled or unbonded. 

©

If, instead, we consider that the lattice emits a chemical or otherwise quantum-like signal in the form of a wave, which directs the flow of the particles' coexistence in the form of clustered protrusions found in cyclically repeating patterns, then we can assume that thoughts are not created from particles but are instead product or thought fossils, like the corallum (skeleton) of the brain coral. This is the "tangible" aspect of this phenomena. So, like the protrusions that appear on the brain coral, so too can our existence (and any other tangible object) in the universe be considered: a fossil of a previously considered 'thought' that is born into the world, changes form, and expands with newly acquired energie or information (or particles absorbed from other points along its neighboring two-dimensional lattice, which is affected by other dimensions or by the properties of its bond or adhesion) until it contracts when coming close, hypothetically speaking, to running out of fuel or energie. 

Note: skeletons have less mass than bodies, this might account for the phenomenon of particles that float around objects. It would appear that there are more particles creating a chair than those which are needed to create it in visible two-dimensional space. The chair exists as an after-after thought - we see the contraction of a thought, which resembles what we call 'a chair' - eventually decaying or releasing all the energie left in the skeleton without further consideration (thought and action) to maintain or restore it (by adding in new material).

For those of you wondering, this is how Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect were able to become chairs in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. 

Next: Did Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect, at the same exact moment they were released from the Volgons, imagine themselves existing as chairs? Did the Volgons discard them like furniture and thus think into existence their becoming chairs? Did they previously exist as a chair and in the transition of being picked up as hitchhikers, somehow momentarily revert to a prior incarnation as a chair? 

These questions and more lead one to presume that we can think a thought into existence or an object into existence (circumstance, experience, encounter, etc.) simply by sending enough particles in that direction to reassemble into a larger colony or bond. Given the example in this post, it would seem that we can think anything into existence given enough energie and intent. 

Again, this is thought that has yet to develop into a post... stay tuned for when it does. 

©

The Darwin

The day after his only epic voyage, Charles Robert Darwin hears requests in his role as the Darwin, the Don of the world's familiar evolutionary theory. Darwin insists that all species of life have descended over time from common ancestors, the theory for which he secured the coveted role of Don, making evolution synonymous with Darwinism.  

Avid English Long Rider, ©

Don Charles Darwin

on his horse, Tommy

Before publishing his theory with compelling evidence for evolution in his 1859 book On the Origin of Species, Darwin sent his manuscript to the Tattaglias, asking for investment and endorsement. Instead, the Tattaglias returned his manuscript wrapped up with a fish, confirming that this theory, if published, would "sleep with the fishes". 

Despite a clampdown from the scientific community, the public erupts in open discussion, eventually favoring evolution as a fact. Soon thereafter, Darwin's work established evolutionary descent with modification as the dominant scientific explanation of diversification in nature. 

The Philosophy of the Force

The significance of the philosophy of the force ranks higher than the study of nature in terms of aiding our understanding of reality. 

Consider Jedi Idealism, the intellectual movement spanning the 28th and 29th centuries that rejected the strict empiricism of early Jedi and argued instead for the possibility of rational knowledge of absolute existence of this donkey piñata comic, aptly named: El Burro Azul or The Piñata Force.

The Jedi Idealists were not simply idealistic in the ordinary Jedi sense of the term; rather, they thought that it was possible to ascertain the ultimate nature of the piñatas' force by going beyond merely what the Jedi could sense. We do not "see", for example, laws behind the laws of the force, but we do glimpse them by the "force's eye," so to speak. 

Consider how the status of knowledge in a particular century influences how Jedi "see" its development. According to Yoda, "piñatas have a systematic organic unity, they do." 

The Jedi Counsel is sympathetic to the idea that The Piñata's Force contributes to genuine knowledge and understanding. 

It is useful to know how Jedi think about the nature of the Burro Azul's reality, our ability to know it, and the development of the force that facilitates such understanding. The Burro Azul is not necessarily a religious deity in the strict sense; rather El Burro Azul refers to humor, broadly conceived - what we might mean when we refer to "humanity's humor." 

In the Phenomenology of Burros, Jedi endeavored to provide a description of our most primitive and naïve grasp of the Burro (beginning with myth) to our most comprehensive and penetrating (philosophy). 

"We pass through stages along the way - each appearing, at least for a time, to be the definitive way of knowing the Burro's force and understanding how to hit it with our lightsabers." Obi Wan Kenobi. 

Since such understanding provides the basis for our moral, social, and political relations, it provides the organizational framework for whole forms of celebration - galaxy patterns, interspecies relations, family and Jedi structures, and winning podracing tournaments. 

Because each of the stages along the way is incomplete, consciousness eventually encounters what we might call a breakdown of that worldforce-view. There is something that it cannot explain, that it cannot adequately take into account: its antiforce. 

When this happens on a grand or fundamental scale, a Blue Donkey Piñata appears and the very underpinnings of Jedi society and knowledge are shaken. This marks the birth of a new stage of development: a burrosynthesis that preserves elements of both the old Jedi view and its counterpoint. 

For Jedi, piñatas are the working out of these patterns and the transition from one overarching form of "seeing" to another. In other words, piñatas are the development of Piñata Force as it moves toward absolute knowing (and once that is achieved, at least on this theoretical level, piñatas explode). 

The Piñata Force is the third stage from the end of the development of force, according to Jedi, prior to the thrill of winning one's freedom in a podracing tournament and ultimately philosophy. 

In the "Introduction to Philosophy of The Piñata Force," the Jedi effectively locate the end of the force - which is to say the time when the force achieves its fullest possible expression of the Burro Azul and confronts its disappointment or failure to achieve completeness - in romantic Jedi poetry. 

Stay tuned for more on how the Jedi think Padawans are both conscious and capable of designing new piñatas - that is to say, our young Padawans not only possess the product of midi-chlorians, but also have the ability to create new piñatas that reflect the very nature of the Burro's force.