The Cosmic Knock-Knock Joke Hypothesis

When I answer a knock-knock joke, how do I know it’s me answering the joke and not some preprogrammed response to an algorithm?  What if our autonomic or unconscious responses are nothing more than programs responding to stimuli previously designed and encoded to elicit certain behavior? What it a potent and curious being, who simply possesses advanced knowledge on how to create artificial intelligence from which sentience may arise, is responsible for our existence?  

When the possibility of the greatest cosmic joke is raised, a question immediately follows. How do I know that there isn’t some truth behind the joke? After all, jokes could be a cosmic programmer’s way of detracting origin hunters from delving any deeper into reported program glitches like déjà vu.

What if there were a way of knowing from the inside? What if there were a way to know for sure that we are the ones answering the knock-knock joke? What if we could follow the rabbit down the rabbit hole and glimpse what lies beyond? 

The Cosmic Knock-Knock Joke Hypothesis is one that inspires the Alice within us to question the simplest things in life, such as jokes and phenomenon like déjà vu. In a time when our advancing knowledge of technology will someday soon allow us to create artificial life from which sentience may arise, should we not simultaneously be questioning whether we ourselves evolved from a similar superintelligent computer simulation? 

Perhaps prior to our existence, our species appeared in marketing advertisements in cosmic magazines like NeoVogue under the heading: Create Your Own Human; followed by the highly sought after: Create Your Own World.

It's not out of the question that throughout the history of the universe has there ever existed technology advanced enough to create sentience out of computer programs whilst simultaneously creating cosmic computer simulations of entire worlds, it is out of that child-like curiosity that we turn and look to see if there's an escape to the illusion. 

"My brain is the key that sets me free."

Houdini 

Like in a magic trick, every great Knock-Knock joke consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called "The Set-Up". The comedian presents an ordinary sounding joke: 

"Knock-knock." 

"Who's there?" 

"How do you know it's you asking who's there?" 

"Um..."

The Set-Up leaves you ill at ease. But you're okay, because you know that the second part of the joke, called "The Twist", is coming. Here, the comedian takes the disturbing Set-Up and adds something else to make it funny or to quickly diffuse the seriousness of the inquiry.

"Don't worry. I was just kidding. It's a joke. Get it?" 

But you don't get it... you can't answer the question because you don't know the answer to the greatest cosmic Knock-Knock joke ever told. You don't actually know who's knocking and you can't be 100% certain it's even you answering. Of course, you're not really looking for an answer. You don't really want to know. You don't want to dedicate your life to searching for the escape key. You just want to be entertained. Because negating existence isn't enough for a joke; you have to bring it back to make it funny. 

That's why every joke has a third part, the hardest part, the part we call "The Punchline". 

Knock-Knock

Who's there?

A-1

A-1, who?

A-1 to know to answer to the greatest cosmic knock-knock joke ever told. 

Knock-Knock

Who's there?

Abbot

Abbot, who?

Abbot you don't know how this all works.

Knock-Knock

Who's there?

Alice

Alice, who?

Alice fair in science and joking.

(until it's not)

Homo Nano Tubien

The most spectacular achievement of the 21st century was the paradigm shift in nanobiological therapies and enhancements (upgrades) that allowed humanity to extend its lifespan into what is known as Homo Nano Tubien, the self-replicating post human being.

Homo Nano Tubiens (Tubiens) are tecnoprimates. Resembling humans Tubiens possess the basic capacity to manipulate biological architecture at the molecular level, resulting in a biotechnological body that transports mass, energy, momentum, electric charge and other natural qualities from their appropriate conditions into the galactic system of interconnected networks.

The biotechnological body creates a virtual reality from within the nervous system enabling the Tubien to interact with a vast number of spatial wave patterns that extend human experience beyond those originally perceived in the biological network. 

Computerized neural implants created in the 3rd millenium optimized the structure, function, and organization in the human organism while Nanoenginers accelerated the improvement cycle of biotechnological intelligence. 

The result was the biotechnological, self-replicating post human being with the ability to conserve its density and interact via neural transport within additional adaptive systems found in the space-time continuum within the (postulated) multiverse known as the Cosmos. 

Billions of nanotubiens in the capillaries of the brain expanded human consciousness in what was described as Virtual Enlightenment. 

Virtual Enlightenment involves the complete dissolution of all the causes for future becoming so that reality is seen, finally, as it is, rather than through the veils of projected wavelengths. 

The Counsel of Enlightened Homo Nano Tubiens invite you to participate in the upgrade of the millenium. With your new biotechnological body you'll be able to manipulate image and sound waves and bring the morphing qualities of virtual reality within the realm of your conscious experience. 

Optimize your intelligence and transfer your biological environment into the virtual, where resolution and believability, along with the ability to redesign your biological body into different matter configurations, bring you closer to the "cosmic beingness" that defines our existence, now.

This is the next step up in evolution, the next high-level paradigm shift into the realm of continuity without losing one's "humanness". 

Brought to you by

The Center for Biotechnological Growth

Where the Beautiful Never Die

Perched upon the evolutionary pedestal, what we once regarded as human is today more exemplary. Evolving beyond our biological origins, we Tubiens know that thanks the autonomous superintelligence species (ASS) created by our species, we can now "liberate" ourselves from the biological into the virtual world. 

Evolve manufactures the universe's best human motivational tendencies. Our patented cognitive architecture is quite unlike that of what we considered human in the past. No more will you be bogged down with concerns of beauty and death. The beautiful never die at Evolve.  

Come enjoy deliberately designed programs, which include favorites like moral thinking and natural behaviors, in a variety of virtual landscape modes. Exist on an isolated planet far from this galaxy or become a neurotechnological agent, working here at home to serve other Tubiens.

The Continuation wants you to transform yourself so that you too may dwell within the evolved mental ecology of structured superintelligence systems where self-reasoning need not apply unless specifically requested. 

It's hard to think of any problem the universe's greatest ASS could not solve. These experiences and more can be yours in recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal rights of all members of the Tubien family. 

The common standard in technobiological achievement

Ethical Issues in Advanced Artificial Supertoasters

A supertoaster is any toaster that vastly outperforms the best toasters in practically every function, including toasting bread perfectly even without having to push down the lever for a second time. This definition leaves open how the supertoaster is created - it could be digitized, an ensemble of networked gadgets, or something else. 

On this definition, Deep Turquoise is not a supertoaster, since it is only smart within one narrow domain (toasting bread evenly), and even there it is not vastly superior to the best toasters (such as those leaving Star Wars impressions on toast). 

While the possibility of domain-specific "supertoasting" is also worth exploring, this post focuses on issues arising fromt the prospect of general supertoasting. Space constraints and short online attention spans prevent me from attempting to describe anything comprehensive or detailed on the subject. So here's a cartoon called The Brave Little Toaster instead. 

I believe that there is a substantial chance that supertoasters may be created within a few decades, perhaps as a result of growing hardware performance and increased ability to implement algorithms and toaster architectures similar to those that don't burn toast. Given the enormity of the consequences of supertoasters and their impact on breakfast for future generations, it would make sense to give this post some serious consideration even if you prefer bagels.