Day 5: The Unfaithful Wife or The Case of Mistaken Identity

In the One Hundred Parable Sutra the fifth sutra talks about a fool who had loved and married a beautiful woman that was not faithful to him. One day, his beautiful wife decided to leave him for a younger, more handsome man. She went to an old woman in their village and anticipating her husband's grief, asked her to put a dead woman's body in their bed when she left and to tell her husband when he returned from his trip that she had died. The old woman complied. 

The husband returned home, and believing his wife had died, made all the funeral arrangements according to custom. He had her cremated and kept a bag of her remains with him day and night, mourning the loss of his wife. 

Many years later, his wife tired of the other man and decided to return home, but her husband didn't believe it was his wife and sent her away. 

The moral of this story is that a fool is a person who hears false teachings, becomes confused, and then believing what he or she is told, faithfully devotes their life to following the teachings without even questioning new information or truths when the come along. 

Questioning truth is an innate radar we have that can result in our living freely balanced according to our own truths rather than living according to the desires of others. Just as others do not have the right to deceive us for their benefit, we have the responsibility to live without oppressing the needs of others. While it sounds utopian given the limited resources on this planet and number of inhabitants in need and want of those resources, it is still a much easier way to live when this is the moral compass or trajectory.

Questioning out of fear, on the other hand, while holding tight to old wounds, results in our oppression of our selves. When we blindly follow old hurts because they were once real, we are not allowing ourselves to grow and walk a new path once a lesson has been experienced. Until we integrate these lessons and allow ourselves to move forward, we doom ourselves to repeating the same lessons over and over until we decide we no longer need to experience them.


Ask most people if they'd rather go to heaven vs. hell and they'll say, "That's easy. I don't even have to think about it, heaven of course." Ask Niccolò Machiavelli, and he'd say, "I desire to go to Hell and not to Heaven. In the former I shall enjoy the company of popes, kings and princes, while in the latter are only beggars, monks and apostles." 

Everywhere we look, someone's waiting for someone else to tell them how they should feel, what they should wear, how they should think, and why they should be unhappy with what they have; and if they don't have someone else imposing a deadline, it's difficult to live. 

When I encountered this experience in my personal life, I felt like the guy who goes to Heaven with his wife, who until their car accident had been keeping him on a gluten-free diet, high in protein, fruits and vegetables, and all the essential vitamins and iron. They looked fabulous for their respective ages, spent at least two hours a day at the gym, never failed to keep track of what they ate, how many calories they consumed, and how many glasses of water they drank. When they arrived to Heaven, it was far greater than they had imagined... a championship golf course, Italian boutiques, French cafés, they could eat and drink anything they wanted while looking perfectly handsome for all eternity. The entirety of afterlife would be one uplifting, personally gratifying, acutely intriguing experience of swimming in the creative of pure potentiality. "Wow," the 90-year old gentleman says after his tour with St. Peter. "Had I known, I would have never stepped foot in that gym, I would have eaten more steaks, and sat around watching football and drinking beer instead of taking that darn Yoga class with my wife for the last 40 years!"

Just in case I do not have the opportunity to spend the rest of eternity in a charming French café in the Latin Quarter of Parisian Heaven, debating with the greatest philosophers of all time, sipping red wine and eating bread and cheese, I'm going to do it while I have the chance. That's my Heaven on earth - allowing myself to be my self - there's no mistaking pain for truth in that. 

Day 4 - A Man Whose Head Was Hit By A Pear or I Bet You Get Bullied A Lot

In the One Hundred Parable Sutra, the third sutra recounts a story about a fool who was hitting another bald-headed fool over the head with a pear. The bald-headed fool took quite a few blows before the other fool stopped. When asked why he didn't run away, the bald-headed fool answered that the fool hitting him was ignorant, that he constantly boasted about his strength, and that he had actually stupidly mistaken his head for a rock. 

Essentially, this guy took a beating because he failed to recognize that his own actions, in this case refusing to defend himself or running away, contributed to his pain. While not necessarily funny, ha ha, it's amusing if not comically sad that so few of us fail to recognize the foolishness of our actions, preferring instead to criticize those of others. 

Foolish actions like this one are so rampant that I can't help but share a few "foolish-oriented" jokes: 

     Are you always this foolish or are you making a special effort today? 

     Don't thank me for insulting you; it was my pleasure. 

     You're cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.  

     You have an inferiority complex and its fully justified. 

     Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice. 

The other day at the airport, a gate employee asked, "Has anyone put anything into your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's exactly why we ask."

At a museum in Northern California, I mentioned to someone that we spent most of our time on the other side of the Atlantic, to which the girl in the museum shop asked, "Oh yeah, where?" "Paris," I responded. "Paris, Texas." She retorted, "Oh yeah, I've been there." 

The other day we pulled into the History Park in San Jose, California. I asked the parking lot attendant if he knew the history behind the San Jose Light Tower. He responded, "No, I don't. I just work here." 


Right about this time, I felt like hitting myself on the head with a pear. 

Day 3 - Fool's Milk

The second parable from Buddha's One Hundred Parable Sutra left me a bit bereft of humor. The moral of this parable is to give freely, rather than waiting until after you have saved enough money to do so. While good advice, the humor of this dried up milk story doesn't exactly stand the test of time. 


The so-called "fool" in the story decided to have a dinner party where he planned to serve milk. Since the milk would spoil if he milked the cow too early, he decided to wait until the party to serve the milk fresh. He didn't milk the cow for a month to save up enough milk for the party. A month later, when he tried to milk the cow in the middle of the feast, the fanfare quickly faded, as the cow was completely dry. While I can easily envision Mr. Bean hilariously delivering this idiotic blunder with tremendous offbeat humor, the 5th century BC fable doesn't quite deliver the same punch. 

There's a great dinner party story involving fools called, The Dinner Game directed by Francis Veber. This one ranks supreme! Pierre and his circle of snobby friends organize what is called "un diner de cons." The contest involves a group of friends inviting the dumbest guy they can find as a guest. Each Wednesday, they enjoy a great laugh at their guest's expense. This week, Pierre thinks his idiot - Francois Pignon - will win hands down. Little does Pierre know...


Early on, Pierre's back goes out, so he stays home from the party. Francois kindly offers to help him out for the evening, but everything he does just makes the situation worse, including contributing to an already strained issue with Pierre's wife. In the end, rather than winning the dinner game by bringing the "idiot of the evening," the tables turn and it's Pierre who's being showcased. 


I suppose it doesn't matter whether you're trying to serve up milk or an idiot, in the end, offering a beverage or humor offers endless potential for confusion, indecision, and finally, witty irony that can, despite precautions, deliver more than one bargains for.

 

Day 2: The Barnum Effect

The shelf life of our collective foolishness is aided by our own psychological defense systems, which make it difficult for us to notice our own impulses. No matter how far removed we feel we may be from some of these silly, bizarre, or even hurtful follies, there's still an elusive thread binding us to them - if only that they remind us of the need for further self-reflective work. 

The One Hundred Parable Sutra was translated into Chinese in 492 C.E. by Gunavriddi as the Bayu-jing and starts with the salt story: 

A fool was invited to dinner and found the food tasteless. His host offered him some salt, which made the food much tastier. The fool, amazed by the culinary efficacy of the salt, pushed aside his meal and opted for the salt alone. Shortly thereafter, the fool's mouth began to burn and he was in agony. 

It goes on to say that people who misconstrue the Buddhist Way of Understanding by starving themselves for weeks on end, starve in vain and learn nothing. This misconception is similar to today's New Age practitioners and followers who, like the advertisement below, abuse language to distort meaning, pretending they are more knowledgeable on a subject. 

Teach a New Age class today! Randomly add prefixes ("meta-," "trans-," "inter-,") to any number of words to make them sound more meta-impressive. Use Buddhist, Hindu, Native American, or other exotic sounding words ("Toltec," "mantra," "tantric," "mandala") to add ancient sounding wisdom and legitimacy to whatever you say. 

The Forer Effect (Barnum Effect after P.T. Barnum's observation that "we've got something for everyone") is the observation that people ascribe higher accuracy ratings to vague generalities that apply to a wide range of people if they have a bias which causes them to believe they are meant for them alone. This helps explain why many people accept concepts like astrology, fortune telling, and Facebook Princess Personality Tests. 

When people expect to find a related connection between two entirely different concepts, their belief or expectancy fills in the gap to form the relationship. From a fortune cookie to a daily horoscope, psychologists have revealed that people give further credence to the analysis when they believe it applies only to them, that the evaluator is credible, and in particular, when the analysis lists mostly positive traits. 

In 1948, psychologist Bertram R. Forer gave identical personality test results to his students, which he had compiled from a number of horoscopes. On average, the students rated the personality test 4.26 (students were to rate the accuracy of the analysis on a scale of 0 [very poor] to 5 [excellent] on how well it applied to them) before they were informed that they had all received identical copies. 

"You have a great need for other people to like and admire you. You have a tendency to be critical of yourself. You have a great deal of unused capacity, which you have not turned to your advantage. While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them. Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure inside. At times, you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times, you are extroverted, affable, sociable, while at other times, you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be pretty unrealistic. Security is one of your major goals in life. 

A number of us have fallen prone to this type of subjective validation, holding onto miniature strips of paper imbued with classical inspirational quotes from fortune cookies that claim we will inherit a large sum of money or gain the admiration of our peers. The belief in the accuracy of the coincidences is the cognitive biases we recognize in ourselves that allow us to laugh at our own foolish tendencies. It's why we can still laugh at a 1,500-year old salt story. 


And by the way, the funnier the joke, the higher likelihood it has some personal meaning or significance to us. 

I Laugh Therefore I Am

With the appropriate commentary, humor's everywhere. Parable's with panache, each joke becomes a simple lesson for everyday living, a mirror of the human condition. 

What could be funnier? 

From a wall in a physics department grafitied with, "Heisenberg may have been here," to a fifteen hundred year old book of fables made famous by an Indian monk named Gunavrddhi, humor enriches our understanding of ourselves. 

"Nothing breaks apart dualism and sanctimoniousness like a good laugh!"
     Enkyo O'Hara Sensei


The Reverend Sangha Suna originally compiled Sakyamuni Buddha's teachings in Sanskrit before they were translated into Chinese or English, hundreds of years later. Irrespective of the many translations or interpretations of the meaning of the stories, they speak more humorously about our shared humanity than any universal one-liner ever could. 


Being able to laugh at ourselves in our own languages is how, despite appearances, we as a species unite. We don't always agree on ideology, faith, or even philosophy. Our geographical inheritance assures us a different viewpoint on history. We dress differently, speak differently, and act differently. But, no matter the disparity, we are still, somehow, indistinguishable from one another in our shared ability to sense humor. It's unilaterally the most human aspect of our species, without which we'd be automatons. 


The 100 Sutras is actually ninety-eight sutras with a prologue and epilogue that add up to one hundred. In this treasure of 100 fables are the stories that inspire recognition within our selves. 

Fools are so remarkably unwise that they only exist in fables. Thanks to them, however, we can laugh at ourselves by laughing at others. "Rare is the person who is completely foolish. In fact, a complete fool is almost impossible to find, and therefore, should be treasured." 

Unicity is the fact that we exist recognized by the fact we all do. Face to face, we realize we are all creating this world, that we can experience what we choose. And while we have to navigate the thresholds of form and energy, we, at the same time, create new forms and new energies which seem impossible looking forward and unbelievable looking back. 

It's always the experience of looking, both backyard and forward, that is so damn funny. We take breaks, we get serious, but we can only take it for so long until something builds up within us and we have to punch ourselves to deliver the punchline. The hit packs quite a punch, but the healing brings the greatest sighs of relief. Things lighten up again and we laugh. 


Every mirror we discover opens our minds as to how the universe is displaying each and every foible and folly right before our eyes. We don't have to look for them in a book. From our interactions with others to the stories we hear of people we've never met anywhere but in our own minds, laughter emerges as each page of life unfolds. The world becomes funnier. We become funnier. 


100 fables = 100 days = 100 ways to laugh at myself. 


Not a bad way to spend one's day. 


Today, was day one. 

Do I Look Like My Dog?

The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, a Peer-Reviewed Academic Resource, states that "there are only a few philosophers currently focused on humor-related research, which is most likely due to two factors: the problems in the field have proved incredibly difficult, inviting repeated failures, and the subject is erroneously dismissed as an insignificant concern." 

You'd think an intelligent person would know when and how to choose their battles, namely, leaving this one alone; but it's irresistible! The same human mind that insists upon studying humor is fettered to the point of sheer exasperation, and that emotional roller-coaster needs humor as an emotional outlet. It's like cotton candy at an amusement park. 

99% of what kills us never happens - except, of course, for an untimely death induced by an overdose of cotton candy.

When the endless fears we imagine fail to happen, we release that tension with a laugh. One of the most commonly shared genes - the ability to laugh - though of uncertain origin, is most comical when you realize how little we understand about the theory of humor. 

It's almost as if we can't philosophically define humor without the advent of laughter. Even if laughter emanates from another origin, they're like an old married couple that eventually end up looking like one another - or a person and their pet, if you know what I mean? 

While humor and laughter may stem from different origins, they often meet after the delivery of a punch line. However, laughter can also occur as a psycho-physiological release of tension at the sight of a 'near-miss' - like when you step out to cross the street and your friend, best friend now if they weren't before, pulls you back by your collar as a car goes whisking by, nearly plowing you down. Whew!   Instant nervous laugh. 

An American spilling hot coffee down the front of their pants in a Paris Starbucks. 

A Muslim girl adorning her hijab with gold studded Prada sunglasses. 

A Doberman Pincher in a pink diaper. 

Rousseau playing cards with his dog. 

Tragedy, near misses, and incongruities - all make us laugh. Maybe humor has more to do with our ability, if not need, to balance out the neurosis of depression, anxiety, insecurities, and obsessive behavior than it has to do with whether something is inherently funny. There's something about this cognitive shift, this tension release mechanism, that seems to produce an adrenaline-like laughter transmitter. For all I know, the theory of humor may be nothing more than a biological phenomenon. Whereas the study of laughter, stripped naked of its disguise by the hand of a curious artist, might yield unspeakable vocal patterns, commonly called - laughter. 

Statistics and Humor

"Statistics are the chemical weapons of persuasion," says Jamie Whyte, in his book, Crimes Against Logic. 

Actually, many of the statistics we hear about, whether bogus or real, are quite entertaining. For example, More than 10 people a year are killed by vending machines. While that's admittedly tragic for the individuals involved, a slight cynical indifference to killer vending machines allows quite a few of us, me included, the ability to giggle at the sheer absurdity of it. 

There's something delightful in offense. Perchance the humor here is that it's utterly offensive to our intellect to imagine anyone dying at the hands of a vending machine.  

I can picture it now... some bozo can't get his chips to fall; he starts banging on the machine, ever so heated. He resorts to pushing the machine forward and back; until, out of exasperation, he lifts up the flap, slides his hand inside, wiggles his fat, stubby little fingers around and finally fingers the corner of the chip bag, which immediately falls into the convenient tray below where they were designed to land. Meanwhile, Bozo's hand is now caught in the very circular ring that was supposed to surrender his chips in the first place.  

Tragedy, irony, or both, it's the absurdity that makes me laugh every time. Naturally, amid such sheer stupidity with a hint of bad luck, I can't laugh about any idiotic demise without thinking of The Darwin Awards. 


The 1994 Darwin Award went to the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine, which toppled over on him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. 
     Morgunbladid of Iceland, Kenya Times


A sword-swallower died in Bonn after he put an umbrella down his throat - and accidentally pushed the button that opened it. 
     The BUmbershoot, 18 April 1999, Germany  


Duh. 


It was Emerson who wrote, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds," even that truism cracks me up because I know that some idiot, somewhere, is engaged in the most ludicrous exploit which will fuel future editions of The Darwin Awards with farcical tragedy, leaving the rest of us with an endless stream of laughable accounts of stupidity that end in premature, amazingly unforeseen deaths. 

Actually, I'm noticing a tendency toward laughing the easiest at the mere mention or reference to ignorance. 

"I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit. Touch it and the bloom is gone." 
     Lady Bracknell, in Oscar Wilde's play, The Importance of Being Earnest

See what I mean? 


You'd think we'd cut our species some slack since we were reportedly single-celled creatures before our recent rise to the top of the food chain. If humor does have some genetic component to it, I sure hope some over-zealous laboratory student doesn't accidentally eliminate the gene from a random experiment, leading to an outbreak of humorless children being born ten generations later. Of course, even the idea of that happening is kinda funny - till it's not. 


Curiously enough, a component of this equation is curiosity, which, while leading to human tragedy at times, also leads to humorous or ironic situations we consider funny. 


In the United States, nearly 100 people die every day in car wrecks because we invented the automobile. We die in explosions, yep you guessed it, because we invented explosives. 


Duh.