The Kamikaze Bunny Ballad

The Kamikaze Bunny Ballad

Just look at us where we stand;

Our bedtime is at eight.

We don't like carrots in a can,

Because they are so very fake.

'Do you like our oozies?' we ask.

'And aren't they kinda cute?'

We agree it is a disagreeable task

To turn docile creatures into brutes

We with our little fluffy tails

That bounce while we eat

You cook us with our entails

And on your keychains put our feet

'It is our custom,' you say

'To take that which we see;

And that's just our way -

A fluke of fate, if you please.'

But budding is our plan

Though it may seem a wee bit mean,

We follow lead from the Great Lapin

The wisest bunny ever seen.

So, having no mercy to give

We swipe away your lucky rabbit feet!

And cry the cry by which the Kamikaze Bunny live

And thump you on the head as we screech:

'You have no right to cut off our tails

And throw the rest away,

And if we catch you recounting lucky rabbit feet tales,

You'll drop to your knees and pray:

'Forgive us y'all

We think not as we toil -

It seems that thinking above all

Is for some like taking castor oil.''

But we are armed and ready,

To blow you away all together

So that no bunny suffers your indignant pedi

And keeps their parts together

I shook myself awake and tried,

To think of all that which we do:

'Come, little bunny tell me how you feel,' I cried

'And together we'll hug it through!'

They said 'We hunt for the naughtiest human prize'

Among nature's spies

And pounce upon them in the silent night

And giggle when they realize

That rabbit feet are not lucky

Carry instead a nugget of gold

For carrying around furry little feet is yucky

And the custom is really getting old

And sometimes they listen and update their scrolls,

So that future progeny might learn, too

Keeping us as pets will not console

A baby bunny pruned

'And that's our tale' (they gave a little wink)

'By which we reconsidered lucky rabbit wealth -

And very gladly did the moral sink

Into our books upon the shelf

I heard them bounce away, as I had just

Made their furry little plight shine

Rescuing bunny feet from wicked clutch

By composing this little rhyme

I thank them much for telling me

How not to demonstrate our wealth

But chiefly for their hearts, so brave and wee 

I toasted them to noble health

And now, if e'ver by chance I see

A lucky rabbit's foot dangling from a chain

I'll cry the cry of the Great Lapin

And summon the Kamikaze Bunnies again

Who will point their oozies at your toe

A very heavy weight, indeed

And remind you of that which you already know

That Kamikaze Bunnies only need

A gentle hand, a speech that is

slow,

So that their whiskers don't flicker with woe,

And their faces don't wince in sorrow,

Their eyes, like cinders, all aglow,

Who bring us joy to and fro,

And hop and bounce, and oh

Are so very cute and loveable

And if we cut off their little feet, like so

We'll incur their wrath, just like long ago

So don't act like you don't know

That Kamikaze Bunnies exist, to keep us on the straight and narrow

All before their bedtime at eight.