Sophly Laughing (Sophy "softly" Laughing)

Raising Funny Kids 10: Funny Food

2012-03-07T06:39:00.008-08:00

Socrates: "We'll give them desserts, too, of course, consisting of figs, chickpeas, and beans, and they'll roast myrtle and acorns before the fire...And so they'll live in peace and good health..."

Plato, Republic 372c3-372d51

Food offers us a smorgasbord of bountiful spreads, uniquely delightful, extraordinarily succulent, and most aesthetically worthwhile.

Kids enjoy exploring the nibbles of gustatory delight.

Creative cookery turns our nutritive endeavors into the acquisition of taste and culinary cooperation.

Playing with a child's hunger for investigation, food offers the opportunity to champion young tastebuds at home, unleashing an aesthetic appreciation for culinary discovery.

Despite undeveloped palates or potential eating disorders, the fondness a child feels for a certain character or object spreads to their exploration of sustenance.

Our kitchens provide an appealing environment for young minds and tummies whereby children can explore their artistic side, expand their eating habits into a more well-rounded cuisine, and draw upon cooking methods, techniques, and ingredients to create their very own artistic palate.

Food, like humor, brings us together in a fellowship of sharing, strengthening our relationships of love and friendship. A humorous bent aimed at culinary creativity allows kids to forge bonds and bridge the gaps between adolescent tastebuds and adult ones.

Raising funny kids naturally results in raising funny epicureans.

Kids enjoy working with new and different ingredients, expanding their sense of taste and smell alike.

It is unrealistic to feed a child peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pizza, and chicken nuggets and expect them to have an appreciation for international cuisine.

Even for the child whose palate is not as modest, failing to cultivate a child's kitchen and garden diminishes their consciousness of Epicurean physics.

"The beginning and root of all good is the pleasure of the stomach; even wisdom and culture must be referred to this."

Some of the sweetest pleasures in life come from feasting, or in our kids' case, noshing on a tasty treat.

In this dog-eat-dog world, our olfactory organs are becoming repressed. With genetically modified foods, our stomachs and digestive systems are taking a beating.

Creative cookery is an immensely satisfying way to encourage young palates to discover that the ostensibly selfish needs of the stomach come from not knowing its limits. The benefits of artistology (study of dining) offers the entire family a piece of the pot pie.

In honor of young chefs everywhere...

Here's a collection of bread and cheese, fish and meat, pasta and veges to help inspire your family as you explore together your own gastronomic funny side...

Enjoy!

Alice in Matrixland

2012-03-06T06:52:00.010-08:00

Hush! Hush! Get to your places, said Trinity in a low hurried tone. She looked anxiously over her shoulder as she spoke, and then raised herself up on tiptoe, put her mouth close to Neo's ear, and whispered, "She's found the matrix."

At last, Welcome Alice. As you no doubt have guessed, I am Morpheus.

"Pleased I'm sure," and Alice curtsied.

"No, the honor is mine. Please, come, sit.

I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Anderson, tumbling his way through the world he thinks he lives in, the world as it appears to him every day.

I can see it in your eyes.

You have the look of a girl who accepts what she sees because she is refusing to wake up.

Ironically, this is not far from the truth.

Do you believe in fate, Alice?

"No!" said Alice loudly.

"I do not like the idea of having the sentence first, of not being in control of my life."

I know exactly what you mean.

Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there - like a splinter in your mind. Driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me.

"It doesn't prove anything of the sort!" said Alice.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

The Matrixland?

Do you want to know what it is? The Matrixland is everywhere, it is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work. When you go for tea.

Alice watched Morpheus as he fumbled with something in his fingers, feeling very curious to see what his next comment would be like.

It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

"Oh, I beg your pardon, Morpheus." Alice said, "But what truth?"

That you are a slave, Alice, like everyone else you were born into literary bondage. Born into a story that you cannot smell or taste or touch unless someone is reading it. A prison where you only exist in someone else's mind.

Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrixland is... you have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You drink from the blue vial, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe what you want to believe.

You drink from the read vial, you stay in The Matrixland, and I show you how deep the Rabbit-Hole goes.

Down The Rabbit Hole Again

2012-03-05T17:22:00.006-08:00

Alice was beginning to get very tired after having returned from her grand journey down the Rabbit-Hole. Oh how she longed for just one more adventure...

Having nothing much to do that afternoon, she immersed herself in the bath, tea cup in hand, to ponder "What is the use" of "returning home without the friendship of blue caterpillars who smoke hookahs, babies who turn into pigs, cats whose grins remain after their heads have faded away, and a Mad Hatter who speaks to Time?"

Alice was considering, in her own mind (as well as she could, for the boredom of non-rabbit-hole life had made her feel very sleepy and stupid),

whether the pleasure of making a steampunk chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and choosing the correct links, when suddenly...

a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.

"How very remarkable!" thought Alice.

"Oh dear! Oh dear! What shall I do?" asked Alice of her self.

When she thought it over, it occurred to her how funny that she ought to have wondered this again, but at the time it all seemed quite natural to tell her bestie that she was headed out for yet another adventure! Shhhh.... don't tell. I'll be back soon...

Though she wasn't so certain.

But, just then, when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and looked at it, everything fell out and toppled over Alice's head and she forgot herself!

Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind fleeting images of cards flying hither and thither.

Burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and was just in time to see it pop down another large rabbit-hole under the hedge behind the castle over yonder.

For a brief moment Alice experienced a flashback of those flying playing cards, but she never once considered how in the world she was going to deal with her PSTD if she followed the Rabbit down the hole again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her, and to wonder how she would make sense of what she discovered sitting on the table for second time?"

But she knew the routine, for she had read her story a thousand times over since she first followed that white rabbit.

"Well!" thought Alice to herself, "after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of boredom! How interesting I'll be when I get back home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about how I became so interesting, even if my image goes completely backwards when I return."

Alice thought of abandoning her old journey, but it was too late now.

Down, down, down. "Do cups eat pups? Do pups eat cups?" for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She was falling for the same adventure yet again, as she put it.

She felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with DInah to a mushroom patch, and was saying to her, very earnestly, "Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever see a pup eat a cup?"

when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.

OUCH!

I don't remember that hurting last time!

"Oh my ears and whiskers, how different everything looks!"

Alice stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped out the door, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar, that was sitting on the top, with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her AGAIN!

Until, that is, the caterpillar noticed her new shoes!

"This time I brought my luggage," Alice added, as though the caterpillar had said actually complimented such exquisite craftsmanship she referred to as her footwear. This was an encouraging opening for their last conversation hadn't been as such. Alice, rather confidently, replied, "I know, you can hardly believe your eyes, sir, for I have changed several times over since we last met."

"Why yes," the Caterpillar said complimentarily, as he eyed her luggage with much suspicion.

Alice thought about how the Caterpillar hadn't been in a very pleasant state of mind the last time they spoke, which for some funny reason caused her to imagine reading her storybook in her bathtub at home rather than actually being here living out another adventure.

Alice reminded herself that she was a little larger now, not so easily offended, and could wait patiently to speak until the Caterpillar climbed down from the mushroom. "See here," she pointed as she pushed her book up to the tree. This map shows us exactly which way I ought to go from here. Alice smiled.

Remembering at that precise moment that there was a table set out under a tree in front of a house, with the March Hare and the Hatter having tea at it: she decided to hurry along in an encouraging pace.

No time to say "Tea, please". You're late, you're late, you're late.

Don't just do something, stand there...Uh...no no! Go get my gloves! You're late!

But for what? I've already saved Wonderland.

The Existential Closet

2012-03-05T06:16:00.011-08:00

"Keep all these clothes," Morpheus says to me this morning in my closet, "and the story ends...Get rid of some of these clothes and you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

It's a tempting offer, isn't it? For at one time or another in our lives, we've all wanted to throw out the clothes that don't fit us anymore - from the dull jeans to that ridiculous blouse we bought.

What were you thinking with this little ensemble, by the way?"

"Shut up, Morpheus."

Perhaps it's for reasons such as holding onto outdated, out-of-fashion, two-sizes-too-small clothing that our culture has become positively obsessed with the idea of transcending the confines of this closet for another. Whether it's by getting rid of some of these clothes, a secret wardrobe, a looking glass, or a rabbit-hole, it doesn't really matter. We take it.

This is because the circuitry control of our brains live in The Matrix of Novel Thought. It is here that once we've "been there, done that", even if only in our minds, that our brain leaves and takes flight in search of fueling that innate learning mechanism in our heads that feeds on novelty.

Everything we do or think about is predetermined in our minds because we have already "thought" forward to the endgame before the moment we start to embark upon a goal (a biological reflex is our body processing information at hyper speed).

The brain then perceives each predetermined goal (I'm going to send a text message) as already having been attained and therefore has to search deeper for novel experiences to facilitate the act of execution.

The act of executing any action requires self-story telling to convince the brain to reengage and "do it again." The brain's "death is in the details" circuitry has to be emotionally inspired or guilted into action; and the brain's executive center has to "buy into it" or it doesn't happen.

Language frees us to understand our literal experience of life whereas emotions free us to understand our subjective ones. Synthesization of the two results in consciousness of one's self and one's closet.

What's in your existential closet?

Are you willing to empty it?

Napoleonids

2012-03-02T14:36:00.003-08:00

Introducing Napoleonids

Bonapartenoc Gainopathic Medicine Napoleonids

Tablets for Conquer Relief, 60-Count Boxes

(Pack of 3 Flavors)

PRODUCT FEATURES

A gainopathic medicine that works with the aid of force
Fast-acting when things go according to plan
Convenient oratory to persuade opponents
No bayonets, no reckless defeat, no campaigns, no conspirators

Napoleonids combines gainopathic medicines traditionally used to defeat enemies. Napoleonids helps with obstructions, impediments, scuttles, and stymies. Gainopathic medicines are made of very superficial substances like greed, power, and personal gain. Bonapartenoc, the World Emperor in gainopathy, is the maker of Napoleonids Suppositions. Since 1804, Bonapartenoc has been committed to funding expeditions and educating the public on the unpleasant aspects of Russian winters.

Uses: Temporarily relieves minor symptoms of napoleonoids such as shortness, arsenic, and abdication.

Directions: Adults Only: "Fill up three layers with different colored and flavored ice creams (a water ice may be used with the custards); for instance, chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. Mould into the patent ice cave for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours, turn it out, cut it in slices, and arrange neatly on the dish, on a napkin or dish-paper." (Marshall. A.B., 1885, The Book of Ices, pp. 18).

Inactive Ingredients: Milkfat and Nonfat Milk, Sugar, Corn Syrup, Whey, Cocoa (processed with alkali), Mono and Diglycerides, Guar Gum, Celluose Gum and Carrageenan, Artificial Flavor, Annatto Color, Red Beat concentrate, and Tumeric Color. CONTAINS: Milk.

Warnings: Do not use in present-day Belgium or in the presence of the Seventh Coalition, an Anglo-Allied army under the command of the Duke of Wellington combined with a Prussian army under the command of Gebhard von Blücher.

Other Information: Convenient form of satirical humor.

Little Boy with Cancer Laughs for the First Time After Chemo

2012-03-02T07:21:00.000-08:00

Little-Boy-with-Cancer-Laughs-for-the-First-Time-After-Chemo-1219.html

90 Year Old Couple At The Clinic

2012-03-02T07:19:00.000-08:00

Watch-What-This-90-Year-Old-Couple-Does-at-the-Clinic

Good humor looks good at any age!

Lunch with Arthur Asa Berger

2012-03-02T06:29:00.003-08:00

Arthur Asa Berger

Happy Social Scientist

Secret Agent Extraordinaire

The Man Who Studied Pop Culture

When Pop Culture Wasn't Cool

"They laughed when I sat down at the typewriter,"

said the man who did his Ph.D. dissertation on a comic strip

A mind

Wide ranging, and judicial

He skimmed the surface

Of the superficial.

Lamentation for a Dead American Studies Scholar

"When I realized that American culture was a text, and that almost anything can be seen as a text, and as such, susceptible to socio-semiotic, psychoanalytic interpretation, it was a valuable insight.

"I lack the higher seriousness,"

"And I am, it could be said, a satirist with a playful attitude and a comedic personality. That, of course, has gotten me into trouble at times, and has led others to dismiss me."

"I concluded that it doesn't make sense to write a book that hardly anyone would read, so I decided to write in what might be described as the "plain" style."

"A colleague once wrote about me, 'We thought he was an absurdist but concluded he was an absurdity.'"

"Shopping is a fascinating subject."

"We should allocate more resources to public needs and move some funds from private consumption to what might be thought of as public investment or social consumption."

"To Buy Is to Be Perceived."

"I wrote an article in the early sixties, published in The Minnesota Daily, "The Evangelical Hamburger," in which I suggested that McDonald's had the same dynamics as evangelical Protestant religions, and I predicted that McDonald's would conquer the world."

"I sugar coat the didactic pill."

"I always saw myself as a writer who happened to teach."

"Writing is like detoxing the brain,"
Sophy M. Laughing, Ph.D.

Mother Buddha Advice

2012-03-01T06:44:00.005-08:00

"I swear to you on a stack of Bibles," as my mother would say, that my own mother just might be Buddha reincarnated because in our house, it was she who invented, in her infinite wisdom, the Tao of Change, the Te of Table manners, and the Zen of Homework. Even if you were in deep do-do in our house, you could always count on mom to have an extra roll of TP on standby...cause ya never know!

"Always make sure you have on clean underwear, you never know if you'll end up in an accident and at the hospital."

Mother, 1978.

"Don't be afraid of the dark, neon scares away monsters."

1978

"The one thing no one can ever take away from you is a good education."

Mother, 1979

"If you think you've got it rough now, just wait until you grow-up."

Mother, 1981

"The toilet paper roll will not change itself."

Mother, 1984

"Always keep plenty of reading material in the bathroom, it's good for your brain."

Mother, 1985

"Money doesn't grow on trees, you know."

Mother, 1985

"Turn down those earphones or you'll go deaf."

Mother, 1986

"You better do your homework or you'll end up working at McDonalds."

Mother, 1987

"Always keep matches or an air freshener in your bathroom for guests, you wouldn't want to embarrass them now, would you?"

Mother, 1988

"I'm teaching you how to do these chores because I love you.

You might have to pick up after yourself someday."

Mother, 1989

"Good, loving, appreciative kids with manners grow up and call their mother every day."

Mother, 1990

When my mother reads this post...

"March yourself to your computer and delete that from your blog right now, young lady, or you'll be in deep shit when your father comes home from the hospital today."

Mother, 2012

I dedicate this post to my mom who is at the hospital waiting for my dad to come out of surgery. It might be a shitty day, but we'll laugh about it later when dad comes home."

Love,

Sophy

A Homeschooling Comedy of Errors and Adventures

2012-02-29T07:13:00.015-08:00

There are NO tests on the Road Less Traveled

SET-UP

I am a globetrotting, homeschooling mother of two teenagers, ages 13 and 16. I manage households in three countries and in addition to our two cats and dog, we recently acquired a new puppy to serve as future hubby for our beautiful Ms. Fia. Naturally, she want's nothing to do with him.

In addition to my 16-hour daily lifestyle, I recently took up blogging, for which I get up 2 hours early each day - and the clincher, I joined Facebook - at this point I have to schedule my "thinking" sessions because I run on pure automatic pilot.

The other day, I considered starting an Overcommitters Anonymous group, we meet next Wednesday between Music Theory and Plan Dinner & Entertainment Before Evening Work Activities, which of course leads to the final hour of enjoying Mindless TV viewing.

I regret to inform you that I may have to reschedule the Overcommitters Anonymous Welcome to the Group Meeting as I just received a courtesy text message reminding me that I have a hair appointment at that time. I'll have to have my secretary get back to you as to when I can reschedule or whether I will have to send someone else in my place.

DELIVERY

With my brain about to explode, I have taken it upon myself to homeschool two highly gifted students. Today, they are enrolled in a University-based Young Scholar's Program for which I pay the equivalent University fee per course as well as take it upon myself to deliver each course to eager young minds.

My children regret to inform you that they cannot make it to the Overcommitters Anonymous Welcome to the Group Meeting. My daughter stated that due to the fact that she is presently enrolled in 9 courses, studying for her high school exit exam, teaching Pre-Algebra to her younger brother, blogging, drawing, and creating logos, videos, and original works of art for private companies that she regrettably cannot attend.

My son stated that due to the fact that he is presently enrolled in 7 courses at the University, busy blogging and creating videos for his budding film company, and because he is at present, working on a piece to enter into a film festival, that he cannot attend. Please email him upcoming dates and he will get back to us with written confirmation as to when he can attend in the future.

Paperwork, accounts, accountants, CPA's, colleagues, employees, contractors for three countries. I'm tired merely thinking about the pertinent details of my life, sans the work involved in executing these tasks.

I quit!

I am simplifying!

I recently scheduled a week-long "thinking" session for myself. The children have been taking non-stop tests, drawing, writing, and enjoying their photography hobby while I analyze the Theory of Simplification.

Wholeheartedly embracing this theory, I "thought" for two days, then rested two days, then began processing the pile of tasks on my To-Do List. Within a week, there will be double the tasks if I do not hold an Overcommitters Intervention for myself.

Did I mention that I have been analyzing Educational Reform since 2008 and have designed a new educational model for my children. I filed our Private School Affidavit this week and am preparing files from the university, the kids' school in Paris, and all their test scores for transfer to our new school.

Soon we will be free!
Free of a few of the RIDICULOUS mindsets & systems that slow us down!

If we ever get off the Road Less Traveled there will be nothing but tests to greet us, tests for which they can study for later if they want to leave this road. For now, we're not on a hurry. The final destination isn't all that exciting, it's the road where you find your greatest adventures.

MY QUESTION

Why take tests for someone else's road?

PUNCHLINE

If you're on the Road Less Traveled, quit looking back

Clean Jokes

2012-02-28T15:51:00.001-08:00

Three boys were walking home from Sunday school after a very impassioned sermon on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"

The other boy replied. "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just Dad."

Attending her very first wedding, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The little girl thought about this for a moment and then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?"

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could to Sunday school. As she ran, she prayed, "Dear God! Please don't let me be late to Sunday school, again!"

No sooner did she pray did she trip on a curb and fall. As she stood up, brushed herself off, and picked up her bible, she prayed once more: "Hi God, me again. Thanks for the help, next time, please don't push!"

One morning out on the playground some boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money."

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."

A police recruit was asked during an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."

A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem... a small child replied, "Probably because they couldn't get a babysitter."

Work Humor

2012-02-28T13:33:00.001-08:00

HUMOR IN THE WORKPLACE

Alexander Bain's fax machines are nearing extinction, but for those who still insist upon scanning documents with a telecopier, you may appreciate the following true story.

This morning I vowed to get some paperwork done. One of those tasks was sending my extremely patient and congenial CPA some tax documents. Rather than gathering all my documents and submitting them in one easy, convenient package for her review, I, instead, fax, email, and snail mail them to her piece by piece.

Today, a cringe of guilt hit me over not having a fax cover sheet to accompany the tax statements I sent over, unsolicited and without explanation. I vowed to add "Create Fax Cover Sheet" to my To-Do List and hoped that the acknowledgement of my "Fax Faux Pas" would keep me in her good graces.

Immediately thereafter, I found myself with a few extra minutes to spare and decided to go ahead and create a Fax Cover Sheet. My traditional dull, unimaginative, plain-vanilla dullsville document was transformed into this:

Incorporating humor into the workplace doesn't need to be overly outlandish to serve as a tool to lighten-up an awkward moment (eg., when out of exhaustion, denial, or sheer laziness we fail to follow through in a timely fashion).

The next time you find yourself avoiding a work task or chore, ask yourself if you can come up with a humorous spin - that might just be the hurdle you need to avoid procrastinating on dealing with a work issue and your colleagues will thank you for it!

Sophy's Humor Program

2012-02-28T06:59:00.003-08:00

Sophy's Humor Program

#1: Start off on a Funny Foot

It's important to get your participants' attention from the moment they walk through the door. Welcoming guests on a funny note allows them to laugh, smile, or chuckle while they settle into the room. Staging funny props that can be encountered as one visually scans the room gets participants' initial attention while allowing those who are less than willing "laughters" to encounter "funny" on their own terms and at their own pace. These props can also be referenced later on in your training session.

Funny props sets your program off on a high note and relieves nervous tension participants might be experiencing about their own sense of humor (or lack thereof) while clearly conveying the message, "We're here to have some fun!"

#2: Generic Funnisms

Even the most meticulously planned events can experience some hiccups. Having a number of prepared jokes to defuse unexpected situations or speaker faux pas' allows attendees to laugh spontaneously. In comedy, timing is everything.

#3: Include Participants

Each conference group has them - funny people who steal the crowd's attention with a witty or cleverly delivered remark that gets the crowd roaring. This is exactly what you want! Set the stage for increased group laughter by planning activities (such as improv or other team building games) that allow people to move about, laugh, and joke more freely. Laughter brings people closer together, which in turn encourages people to participate. The activity is effortless when your audience is engaged, laughing, smiling, and enjoying the overall experience.

Humor programs will become a recognized profession when jokes are made about the practitioners...

Russian Jokes

2012-02-27T05:40:00.006-08:00

Much of the humor value in Russian jokes is critically dependent on untranslatable features of the Russian language (linguistic puns, wordplay, and Russian's vocabulary of foul language).

"SS men blocked all exits from the building. "Idiots," Stierlitz thought and went out through the entrance."

Russia specializes in a type of ethnic humor that is both anti-disparaging and self-glorifying simultaneously, whereas American jokes are highly cyclical (Voila joke, Chernobyl Joke, Blonde Joke) unless, of course, they are being utilized as part of the superiority claim of the originating script (viz., the British are empire-builders, the Germans are pedantic and methodical, the French are womanizers, the Americans are profit-oriented businessmen, the Russians have first claim to all things and phenomena).

Students of different nationalities were asked to asked to write an essay about elephants. The Englishman wrote an essay entitled, "The role of the elephant in the building of the British Empire." The German wrote "the historical survey of the elephant as a species from its beginnings to the present." The French essay was called "The elephant and the woman." The American student turned in "On cost-efficient uses of the elephant." The Jewish student's theme was "The elephant and anti-Semitism." And the Russian author entitled his composition "The Soviet Union as the Fatherland of the elephant".

In Russia, we Russian.

Nuff said.

Errands - The Magazine For the Errand's Life Style

2012-02-24T18:00:00.001-08:00

Errands are short, quick trips aimed at accomplishing a specific purpose, such as to buy something, deliver a package, pick-up dry cleaning, or convey a message.

There's an art to running errands and at ERRANDS we're the best!

It's difficult to be in two places at once. Who wants to pay bills? I surely do not. Who wants to wait around all afternoon for the cable company? Not me! What about wrap all those gifts at Christmas time? Forget it! If you, like me, do not enjoy going to the Post Office, having your Oil Changed, making dinner reservations, or going to the florist, simply CALL US TODAY and hire a Personal Errand Assistant!

A Personal Errand Assistant is often times your best bet for getting all those things done in time to enjoy what's left of the weekend. Rather than rushing around all day Saturday and Sunday to get your Errands done, simply click on our ERRANDS SERVICE TAB and discover how much more energie and time you'll have for yourself, your family, and your friends!

ERRANDS TRENDING TODAY...

New Errands You Never Considered

Errands Around the World

Things to Do Before You Run Errands

(a checklist)

ERRANDS - The App

Plus lots, lots more!

Clickaholics Anonymous - Please Check via RT @ Sophly Laughing

2012-02-24T15:32:00.003-08:00

The 12 - 4 = 8 Step Program

is a set of guiding principles (accepted by clickers as "clicking principles")

outlining a course of action for those recovering from clicking

Originally posted here

as a response to my post titled: CLICK HERE

CLICKAHOLICS ANONYMOUS

We who are in C.A. came to Sophy "softly" Laughing because we finally gave up trying to control our clicking. We still didn't want to admit that we could not stop clicking, even when the links failed to interest us. Then we heard from other C.A. members that we are sick. (And humor's the best medicine, right?) We found out that many people suffered from the same feelings of guilt and loneliness and hopelessness that we did due to the fact that they too felt compelled to click on every link they found AND we found out that we had these feelings because we had the disease of clickaholism. We decided to try to face up to what clicking on links had done to us. Here are some of the steps we used to help us face up to the fact that we have a clicking problem.

STEP 1

Admit that it is best to keep things simple.

STEP 2

Ease your way into things.

STEP 3

Don't rush.

STEP 4

Say stuff people like.

STEP 5

Experiment more.

STEP 6

Just Do It!

STEP 7

Enjoy the weekend.

STEP 8

Stay up late.

brought to you by Sophy "softly" Laughing

Get More Clicks in Sophy's Evolving SERPs

Click Here

2012-02-24T14:09:00.005-08:00

Do you believe that an entire page should be dedicated to the phenomenon known as "Click Here"?

Assuming that you tried to click on the above button, I will now proceed to tell you that herein this post you may "Click" (or chuckle) here, there, and, yes junior, up there, too.

Experts state that pretty much everybody they talk to describes experience of "clicking here, there, or anywhere, really," as a "good way to spend a day".

In honor of GOOD DAYS here, there, and everywhere, really, I present to you a few of my favorite posts for your "clicking" and reading pleasure.

My Mommy Brain

Without further ado...

CLICK HERE
I wanted to write a story called The Humor of Pooh

but I was running late - so I ended it with:

"To be continued"

like nobody would notice that I didn't have time to finish it

CLICK HERE
One day, I was bored out of my mind reading about the history of humor,

so I wrote my own Brief History of Humor

I like the cavemen best!

CLICK HERE
I was horrified by what I saw happen to those Occupy Protestors in Oakland

And wondered how a nation of kids

who grew up watching Scooby Doo after school

Could do such a thing!

Jinkies!

CLICK HERE
If you ever need to defend your good sense of humor

Take this test and print out the results

Show said results to person who accused you of not having a good sense of humor

CLICK HERE

I was thinking about all my FB friends who post stuff on UFO's

So I went out looking for one myself

CLICK HERE

I dream of opening my very own

FUNsational Inner Child Daycare Center
Email me directly to invest in this venture

CLICK HERE
Do you have what it takes to be a Guru?

CLICK HERE
I want to be a guest at my own imaginary spa

CLICK HERE
I know a number of people who, um...

Wait, what was it that I saying?

CLICK HERE
I spend entirely too much time on Facebook

every day I resolve to quit

right after I check my news feed!

CLICK HERE
I can't stand chain letters!

But this one reminds me of my grandpa.

CLICK HERE
The best cursing joke on the Internet - beaks down!

CLICKER PROBLEMS ???

Please "Click" on the

Can Point, but Afraid to Click Support Group

My butcher told me that 4 out of 5 Chickens who opt for hypnosis as a cure for their fear of loosing control when they cross the street recommend the "Can Point, but Afraid to Click Support Group" as a way to commit to their fear of commitment.

The Humor of Pooh

2012-02-24T08:33:00.010-08:00

"Are you funny?" asked Pooh, eying my business card.

"No, not really," I replied, while writing a book on humor.

"What is the philosophy of humor?" Pooh asked, looking at the title of my paper.

"The philosophy of humor is a critical reflection of the concepts and systems that define humor," I explained.

"Oh," said Pooh, poking his paw at an apple on my desk. "Does it have something to do with this apple?"

Smiling as I thought of the connection between the two, "Yes," I said, "it kinda does."

"But I thought apples were for eating," said Pooh, questioning my logic.

"They are," I said, attempting to reassure him.

"Good," said Pooh, relieved.

"Imagine if you will, an apple." I began.

"Like this one?" asked Pooh.

"Yes, like this one," I replied.

"Shall I eat it for you?" asked Pooh, rubbing it with his paw.

"No, not yet," I said, motioning for him to wait.

"But you said apples were for eating," said Pooh, placing the apple under his nose to take in a big wiff of it's fragrant aroma.

"They are," I said excitedly, "Would you like to know why?"

"Oh, yes." said Pooh, climbing up into my lap. "It sounds like an awful good story."

"That's exactly right," I said, leaning back in my chair, grinning ear to ear. "It all begins with this apple, here."

"How do you know that?" asked Pooh. "You haven't taken a bite out of it, yet."

I sat quiet for a moment, and then said,"You're right, Pooh. Thanks for pointing that out."

"You're welcome," said Pooh. "Can I eat the apple now?"

"Yes," I said. "Eat the apple and I will tell you the story."

Then, Pooh Bear took a bite of the apple.

Exploring the philosophy of humor very much feels like the moment when you take that first bite from a juicy apple - sugary goodness overpowers your senses, juice rolls down your chin - the sweetness of this delectable treat is relished in the punchline of a joke.

Exploring the philosophy of humor offers the adventurer many delightfully humorous realizations, an understanding of the sillier side of the deeper connections that bind us, and the zaniest epiphanies of why humor universally amuses us so much.

Humor is witty and complex, bouncing with Tiger-like excitement in The Hundred Acre Wood. It is also soft and simple, and lightly felt while taking a stroll with Piglet on a sunny day.

To be continued...

Lady Gaga's Positive Self-Talk

2012-02-23T06:28:00.000-08:00

Lady Gaga's Positive Self-Talk

"Look for the good!"

No matter how many positive pictures we see, positive quotes we read, and positive things we say to make ourselves and others feel better, there are days when motivation is not so easy to come by. One negative (or perceived negative) response from another person can make us feel vulnerable and then grumpy, frustrated, and downright oozy with unhappiness!

However, the thoughts we think and the things we tell ourselves are important tools we can utilize to increase our motivation and continuing dedication to feeling good.

So, what is POSITIVE self-talk?

Imagine if you will that last night you tossed and turned in your sleep as you dreamt of being a rock star at a concert! The music was blaring, heads were banging, and the crowd was cheering!

You wake up in the morning and look like this:

NEGATIVE Self-Talk: "My hair looks awful! Look at all these tangles."

vs.

POSITIVE Self-Talk:

"I rocked that concert! I wonder if there's a stamp on my hand? Hmmm, no, darn, must have rubbed off when I went crowd surfing - Sweet!"

Lady Gaga Crowd Surfing at Lollapalooza, 2010

Must Add Fabric Softener - A Shocking Discovery!

2012-02-22T06:56:00.001-08:00

Mr. Clingsworth announces a most shocking discovery!

Fabric softeners reduce the amount of static electricity in clothes!

In a recent study on fabric softener, scientists learned that static electricity is an imbalance of electric charge: a lack or overabundance of electrons on the surface of the material.

What?

This typically occurs by "tribocharging"

when two materials are brought into contact and then separated!

(electrons are exchanged by the materials, leaving one with a positive charge and the other with a negative charge).

Friction between the two materials can increase this charge-separation process.

Otherwise known as a give and take relationship.

Under normal atmospheric conditions, fibers such as cotton and wool have a relatively high moisture content, which makes them slightly conductive.

This prevents the charge separation from occurring by allowing static electricity to be conducted away!

However, synthetic materials have a high surface electrical resistance particularly when humidity is low - it's this that prevents the charge from dissipating.

In the end, scientists discovered that it was the layer of fabric softener that reduces the electrical resistance of the surface of the fabrics!

The moral of the story:

If you're ever having trouble with your relationship, just add fabric softener!
It brings things (and people) together!

Comedy Writers Wanted

2012-02-21T16:01:00.000-08:00

Are you a fan of jokes? If yes, here's your chance to have your jokes, stand-up skits, and funny stories published. Studies show that indulging your sense of humor can help you live a longer, healthier life. Laughing not only eases stress, promotes social bonding, and lowers blood pressure, but it also helps boost your amuse system!

The older we get, the more important humor becomes. Many people associate humor with having lived a more satisfying life - with laughter being the natural expression of that satisfaction.

THE 5 HEALTHY SIDE EFFECTS OF HUMOR

EASY BREATHING

According to Dacher Keltner, Ph.D., author of the book Born to Be Good and professor of psychology at the University of California Berkeley, "90% of laughs involve deep exhalations. When you exhale, your heart rate and blood pressure go down and you enter a calmer state. This effect may very well be the reason you feel a sense of relief from laughing."

BETTER BONDING

Nothing brings people closer together like a good laugh. Couples who tell each other lighthearted jokes and share laughter to defuse tension tend to have better marriages, says psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D. of the Gottman Institue in Seattle. So, before your next lover's spat, come up with a little word like "Walmart" to diffuse an argument and indicate that you or your partner would like a time out.

STRESS RELEASE

According to researchers at Loma Linda University in California, the mere idea of laughing decreases stress hormones (dopac, cortisol, and epinephrine by 38, 39, and 70% respectively). At the University of Maryland, study participants who were shown funny movie clips experienced a 22% increase in blood flow to their hearts.

HEALTHiFUL

Not only does a laugh, giggle, or guffaw release tension, but it also helps keep you healthy. People who laugh 10-25 times daily face fewer diseases than those who laugh outside that range (2009 study International Journal Medical Sciences).

MORE CREATIVE, MORE SATISFYING OUTPUT (WORK)

73% of all employees in the whole wide world (WWW) reported that having a sense of humor made them better at their jobs!

COMEDY WRITERS WANTED

OPEN TO SUBMISSIONS! It is one thing to write about and analyze humor, it's another thing to write a funny tale or a joke that will inspire thousands to LAUGH!

PLEASE READ GUIDELINES BEFORE YOU SUBMIT:

Your submission must be no more than 500 words. Photos ENCOURAGED!

Send it to sophlylaughing@gmail.com , if I like it, I will notify you before it gets posted. If you wish to remain anonymous, include the word ANONYMOUS in the SUBJECT of your email so that it stands out, otherwise tired eyes might overlook this request.

DO NOT send it as an attachment or it will be automatically deleted (my harddrive is nearly full). Include it in the body of the e-mail. In paragraph form!!!

DO NOT send jokes with explicit language or content; also, no jokes that you've simply Googled from the Internet. Make it original.

Remember, it can be a funny story, tale, poem, or video, it doesn't just have to be a joke. If you have a funny stand-up skit that meets the above criteria, feel free to submit, it can be included!

Please DO NOT send me religious awakenings (Islam, Christian, Catholic, etc.) SophlyLaughing is NOT a religious blog. While these stories may be beautiful, I am pretty sure that unless you've included some quips or humor, it would not be of interest to my readers.

If you have any questions, I will try to answer them in the comments below or you may email me directly at: SophlyLaughing@gmail.com

Thank you!

♥ Sophy Laughing (Sophy "softly" Laughing)

A Happy Musical Post

2012-02-21T07:23:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd share my blessings!

Thank you!

The Dream Factory

2012-02-20T06:07:00.000-08:00

I like humor. I like silly. I like goofy. I like ridiculousness. I like imagination. I like dreams. I like good stories. And I'm still grown-up enough to... pay my bills, manage a household, raise children, and grow a business - and people tell me that I'm not living in the "real world" ???

Living in the real world isn't about living out our nightmares or the nightmares of others. It's about living out our dreams and helping others achieve theirs.

Happiness, good humor, and vibrant imaginings are the real world - for me.

Life is funny! Who do we think we are kidding when we tell someone that they don't live in the real world? That's ridiculous and funny!

We talk about being the change we want to see in the world. We talk about following our dreams. So, why do so many of us keep choosing the dreams of other people? What's real about that?

When you go to work, you're working on someone else's dream. You're helping them make their dream a reality. Every business idea starts with someone's dream, hope, or belief that they can create something and make a difference in the world.

Work shouldn't be called work. Work should be called, "Help me achieve my dreams and I'll pay you while you come up with your own dreams. "

"I worked hard at the dream factory today," a husband might say, as he returns "home" from a long day of working on making dreams a reality.

If Work = Dream Factory.

Then Home = Dream Reality.

Our personal lives are a reflection of our own hopes and dreams. The ones we make tangible. The ones we make "real" - but they are "our" dreams and "our" reality. There's nothing more grown-up or "real" than the recognition that our entire life is a reflection of our own thoughts, hopes, and dreams.

If, perchance, you don't like your "work" - then apply your hard-earned, well-deserved dream factory skills to making your own dream factory a "reality"! After all, once you see that you can successfully work in one dream factory, you're ready to choose one that is more personal and meaningful.

In my mind, being brave enough to follow our own dreams is what being a grown-up is all about.

Maybe the phrase "it's not personal" came from someone who was working in someone else's dream factory. Just because the work you do may not be "personal" to you doesn't mean it isn't personal to someone else.

Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple Computer Inc, at the first West Coast Computer Faire, where the Apple II computer was debuted, in Brooks Hall, San Francisco, California, April 1977

Not everyone wants to go out there and create their own dream factory. Some people are content working towards the dreams of others - and that's fine. But remember, labeling someone else's dream as "not being steeped in reality" might have less to do with "reality" and a whole lot more to do with personal disappointment.

I get up two hours early every morning (dedication) to work toward (skillful application of knowledge) building (goal-minded) my own dream factory (tangible result) - a world where thoughts, hopes, and dreams are explored with a sprinkle of good humor.

My dream factory has an open mind policy - and I prefer to keep it that way!

Everyone is welcome to play in my dream factory

Funniest iPad Video Ever!

2012-02-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

http://www.20min.ch/ro/videotv/?vid=229483

More Happy Thoughts

2012-02-17T06:08:00.000-08:00

Focus on Happy Thoughts

2012-02-17T05:45:00.000-08:00

Mindful Fools

2012-02-16T07:24:00.000-08:00

"Only fools never change their minds"

Prince Talleyrand

(from Napoleon's Master: A Life of Prince Talleyrand)

Prince Talleyrand, the greatest of diplomats, changed the minds of many. Lasting peace between those famous foes - England and France - has continued for over 150 years as a result of his actions.

You, too, can save someone from folly by arguing them out of their deeply held views on a controversial subject, such as the nature of judgment.

By simply judging each and every word uttered by your friend or well-deserving family member, you can logically interpret the impetus for each expression back to its primary thought.

Primary thoughts are fired by emotional triggers. You need not know the person intimately to perform Talleyrand's Mindful Fool Test, you must simply know the basics of human behavior. Granted those who are in possession of high emotional intelligence exhibit a natural ability to administer this test.

If you feel you possess dexterity and adroitness of thought, then the following questions are for you:

In any situation can you instantly know how you feel about it? (YES or NO)
When criticized can you quickly defend your opinions? (YES or NO)
Is it easy for you to see the mistakes in the thinking of others? (YES or NO)
Are you good at convincing others when you are right? (YES or NO)
In deciding, can you see the obvious alternatives and choose the best one? (YES or NO)

Presumably, you answered "Yes" to all of the above questions. Be forewarned, however, a tenacious minority cling to outdated views about many subjects, post-industrial education being one, philanthropic fallacies and Christocentric statements being others. Simply inform them that no independent clinical study has ever been able to establish that a lifelong attachment to commonly held viewpoints is good for your health. Thus, an opportunity arises to increase their health by challenging their views and beliefs.

Dr. Sophy M. Laughing

According to Dr. Laughing, challenging belief systems "is a preventative against foolishness, denseness, brainlessness, ignorance, dull-wittedness, slow-wittedness, doltishness, slowness, thickness, dimness, dopiness, folly, idiocy, senselessness, injudiciousness, ineptitude, inaneness, inanity, absurdity, ludicrousness, ridiculousness, fatuousness, madness, insanity, lunacy, and of course, craziness."

Socrates himself could not win an argument more easily than to have encountered someone steadfast to their beliefs. The next time you encounter an individual stubbornly refusing to change their opinion or chosen course of action, despite others' botched attempts to persuade them to do so, simply save them from themselves and counter each argument with the following:

If your beliefs are pure, I, too, wish to hold them dear to my heart. Please enlighten me as to the counter argument a non-believer might evidence contradictory to the principles of your belief.

Note: This approach only works on individuals who are highly educated on the topic of their belief's history and can thus argue it backward.

Countering the beliefs of a non-educated believer otherwise known as someone who has "faith" is a slightly more complex enterprise and should only be undertaken, according to Dr. Laughing, "by the most skillful, adept, dexterous, deft, nimble, able, capable, masterful, practiced, handy, polished, slick, proficient, accomplished, gifted, talented, quick-witted, quick-thinking, clever, sharp, cunning, resourceful, astute, shrewd, canny, nifty, crackerjack, ace of beings."

Before attempting any counter, ask yourself the following question:

Do I have the right to challenge someone out of their belief or present course of action?

Some individuals would add the following dependent clause: "if it does not cause direct harm to another being?"

There are two camps on this: The first camp would argue that no dependent cause is necessary, that while socially it is "nice" and "preferred", it is not necessary because in order to deem something "nice" or to "prefer" something, judgment must take place, which may be influenced by an individual's belief system, which is by inherent definition a belief. Thus, the question: "Do I have the right to challenge someone out of their belief or present course of action?" Individuals in this camp claim that by nature a differing belief is simply a differing belief, superimposing one over the other is redundant.

Those in camp two argue that "with due cause" one may superimpose one belief over the other if there is a fallacy in the logic as agreed upon by majority vote. That in order to progress and grow, a position must be held, and that by definition of holding a position, one naturally and simultaneously disavows opposing positions and that by arguing these positions one can challenge and thus with increased accuracy choose the most valid of positions and propositions according to theory, which is meta-analyzed for meritorious purposes.

Note: The judgment rendering "progress and grow" as positives was supposed in the 2nd camp's argument.

Returning to the subject at hand, if you are one of those who STILL wish to argue someone out of their beliefs, you may:

Indeed recognize the logic utilized in the first camp
Tracing it back to its impetus belief, which is "non-judgment"
Then argue that belief by holding onto a separate belief such as "non-judgment", whereby you have to simultaneously and naturally "judge" the action of "judging" as wrong in order to hold your belief in the first place,
So you can Go for it!

Good luck old chap!

Once you have solved the riddle of judging non-judgment for the purpose of abandoning judgment so you can thus justify and judge your actions just in order to argue another out of their judged just judgments and beliefs, then you are ready for Talleyrand's advanced course in Speed Thinking!

Talleyrand's Motto:

Think Fast

Sleep Fast

Live Long

Sophy's Song

2012-02-15T14:49:00.000-08:00

Sophy's Song

"Enjoyment"

by Scott Kalechstein Grace

Everyone has a story to tell. Wouldn't it be nice to have a theme song to go along with it?

My song is called Enjoyment. It was written exclusively for me by Scott Kalechstein Grace, the Jimmy Buffet - Eckhart Tolle singer, songwriter, performer who takes components of our lives and weaves them into a lyrical portrait as unique as the person for whom he sings them.

The remarkable thing about having a Song Portrait created for you is that Scott composes it on the spot. Your story literally unfolds right before your ears. In a discussion about your life, your hopes, your dreams, or even your challenges, Scott takes key words and intuitively adds in, with some astonishing clarity, the missing notes to carry the tune.

I derive enjoyment from many things in life, from raising my children, to succeeding in my career, from my travels, and from my explorations into humor and other subjects. Enjoyment encapsulates my life's theme and how it looks and feels today, not tomorrow, not yesterday, but this moment right here, right now.

You know how you can hear a song and it can take you back to a special time in your life? That's what Scott does for people with his Song Portraits. While other singers can do that for us, no song can take the place of our own song. I think everyone deserves their own song, and Scott's the man to make it!

My grandmother fell in love with my grandfather during the Swing Era with Harry James, Tommy Dorsey, and Sinatra. "Their song", as she called it, was "The Way You Look Tonight".

When my grandmother heard this song, she'd stop whatever she was doing and get this "look" in her eyes. Sinatra's song seemed to transport her back to the day when a very handsome Navy Officer asked her to a dance in San Francisco. Sinatra's song was the last song played that night, and my grandmother told me that she knew that he knew, and he knew that she knew, that they'd spend the rest of their lives together - and fortunately for me, they did.

My song isn't my grandmother's love song, but it does capture my love of life, my love of family, and my love of good humor. Who doesn't dream of having their own theme song? Scott takes that "me-too" feeling we have inside us and gives it back nicely packaged in a song so that someday everybody might know our name.

Contact Sophy Laughing or Scott Kalechstein Grace
for your very own Song Portrait today!

Because everyone deserves a great theme song to go with their life.

Time: Be My Funny Valentine

2012-02-14T05:57:00.000-08:00

Dear Time,

Please be my Valentine! You are the punchline to my joke; you are very funny when I take the time to watch you; you are what prevents everything from happening at once. I never had time for you - but that changes today!

It is 3 o'clock in the morning, too late to do too much, too early to do anything else. The time I enjoy wasting is not wasted time. It always takes longer than expected, even when I have to do things over again.

I once had two watches, but I never was quite certain of the time. Then, I had one watch, and knew that I had the right time, but the days of my digital watch were numbered.

Today, I don't wear a watch - and I always know the time!

Yes, you have a love of flying. But where does it leave you? Old too soon... smart too late?

You said I was ahead of my time, which I think is just a polite way of saying that I have a real bad sense of timing. Perhaps you're right! Perhaps time is more fun when you're having flies.

Today is Sunday's day after tomorrow, the third day of the rest of our lives, celebrated on this first day of Valentine, that is if you'll be mine?

You are the only critic I know without ambition, but that's okay, I love you just the same. All my friends tell me you're nothing but an illusion, but I know they are wrong.

With you, I don't even mind inflation, as the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

I know I've got to work out to impress you. I keep saying it all the time. It's been two months since I've worked out. But I just don't have the time. I have time to go out to dinner. And uh...watch TV. And get a bone density test. And uh...try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.

All I know is you will explain it all someday... until then, please be my Valentine!

Be Back in 5 Minutes,

Sophy

With a little help from my friends:

John Archibald Wheeler

Jean-Paul Sartre

Segal's Law

Euripides

Bertrand Russell

Mike Tyson

George McGovern

Jim Henson

George Carlin

John Steinbeck

Douglas Adams

Woody Allen

Tom Stoppard
Kermit The Frog

Victor Borge

Ellen DeGeneres

Sophly Laughing (Sophy "softly" Laughing)

Raising Funny Kids 10: Funny Food

Alice in Matrixland

Down The Rabbit Hole Again

The Existential Closet

Napoleonids

Little Boy with Cancer Laughs for the First Time After Chemo

90 Year Old Couple At The Clinic

Lunch with Arthur Asa Berger

Mother Buddha Advice

Top 10 Occupy Posts

A Homeschooling Comedy of Errors and Adventures

Clean Jokes

Work Humor

Sophy's Humor Program

Russian Jokes

Errands - The Magazine For the Errand's Life Style

Clickaholics Anonymous - Please Check via RT @ Sophly Laughing

Click Here

The Humor of Pooh

Lady Gaga's Positive Self-Talk

Must Add Fabric Softener - A Shocking Discovery!

Comedy Writers Wanted

A Happy Musical Post

The Dream Factory

Funniest iPad Video Ever!

More Happy Thoughts

Focus on Happy Thoughts

Mindful Fools

Sophy's Song

Time: Be My Funny Valentine